Coach Felicia: Are You Friends or "Friends"?

Photo by Keith Major
If you really want a healthy relationship, here are some tips on helping you determine when it’s time for you to fish or cut bait.

I recently called my friend, Robin. It’s been a while since we last spoke, so I asked her if she was seeing anyone. She replied, “Sort of!” Immediately, my coach senses started tingling and I wanted to know more. I listened as she told me about a “friend” of hers that she’s been interested in for nearly a year. She talked about their fun, their chemistry and more. But she was never able to tell me exactly what their relationship is. So, I had to tell her as gently as I could that I think she has a crush on someone who may, or may not, feel the same.

Robin is a great woman, with plenty to offer. But unfortunately, in the dating arena, she’s put her life on hold in hopes of a relationship with a specific person. She has chosen to stay in the zone of uncertainty. Listen, I get it…having someone to focus your heart and attention on is nice. At the very least, it beats the uncertainty of waiting for something that you’re afraid might not materialize. But, time wasted is life lost!  

If you really want a healthy relationship, here are some tips on helping you determine when it’s time for you to fish or cut bait:

1. Stay Open or Ask: Personally, I believe in letting the man make the first move. Since that is what I believe, I make sure that I keep my expectations in check. Unless we have a conversation, he is just a friend and my options are open. But, if you don’t think it upsets the balance…ask! He could be just as afraid as you are, or he could be well aware that he is sending signals that he has no intention of backing up. You deserve to know! Heartbreak is a part of life, but sometimes we create our own suffering when we refuse to deal in truth.

2. Get a “testosterone” perspective: The second best thing to the mind of the man you want is to get insights from the mind of a man you trust! I can’t tell you how many times I’ve misread the signs and the tea leaves. My well-wishing girlfriends often saw what I was seeing. And then…my brother would step in and give me the real deal. If you’re not ready to hear from the horse’s mouth, ask another horse. Having a brother (by birth or through friendship) who is willing to weigh in and who cares about your emotional health is invaluable. Until you have the courage to find out for yourself, a brother can help you protect your heart and emotions.

3. Don’t make mountains out of molehills: A check-in text out of the blue doesn’t mean his mind is on you 24/7.  A compliment doesn’t mean he’s in love with you. And a song that reminds you of him coming on the radio just before he calls doesn’t mean God is trying to tell you something. We can laugh at these examples, but I know women who have kept themselves in limbo thinking these things were confirmations. Actions mean more than coincidences, flirty words and casual exchanges.

Again, I believe that when a man wants you he makes it clear. He may be nervous, afraid and unsure…but he will let you know. Until then (if you’re not willing to do tip #1), keep your heart and options open.

Do Your Work! If you’re like Robin, stop! Do whatever it takes to get the clarity your heart needs.

Define Your Wealth! “I am worthy and deserving of healthy, reciprocated love!”

Recently named the “North America’s Next Greatest Speaker” by eWomenNetwork, Coach Felicia is a Certified Executive Coach who empowers her clients to “Turn their Worth into Wealth” as she partners with them to DISCOVER their WORTH, DO their WORK and DEFINE their WEALTH. Get more insight, download the FREE “8 Choices Winners Must Make!” seminar MP3 at www.coachfelicia.com!

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