Coach Felicia: Empowering Through Your Pain

Photo by Keith Major
Coach Felicia shares lessons learned from the Circle of Mothers about living with the pain of loss and learning to love after tragedies.

Discover Your Worth! I was raised in church and grew up hearing sentiments like, “God has a purpose for your pain” and “There is a message in your mess.” From the beginning, I was taught that in everything we are to have faith. And when our faith faints, or falters, we are to hold on until our answer comes. 

I’ve had some ups and downs in my life and I thought I understood faith. That is until this weekend when I spoke at the Trayvon Martin Foundation’s “2015 Circle of Mothers” conference. The circle—as those in attendance referred to it—is a select group of mothers who have endured a parent’s worse nightmare—the loss of a child. Most of them lost their children to senseless gun violence, as in the case of conference host Sybrina Fulton.

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I had the honor of leading a workshop on emotional healing and restoration. But I spent the rest of my weekend being humbled, amazed and awed by the powerful women there. They taught me invaluable lessons about love, life and resilience. Some of their stories have been blasted across national and international media. They’ve had to endure their children’s physical murders and then watch the murder of their children’s legacies in the forum of public discussion.  

Today, I will briefly share the lessons these women taught and continue to teach me about living with pain through the example they are setting:

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1. Pain Ignites Purpose: I am a firm believer that there is no such thing as unemployment in God’s economy.  Meaning, every single one of us is a response to some need, problem or challenge in the universe. Often enough in life, our gifts and talents reveal themselves as we follow our passions. But few things uncover passion and tenacity more than pain. There is something about it that makes us resolute in our desire to make or be a difference.   

2. Pain Creates Empathy: Too often, we are ineffective in helping others because we lack an understanding or insight into their issues. Pain equips us to be empathetic and caring on deeper and more connective layers. People are more apt to let us into the lonely spaces of their lives when they know they can trust us to be respectful and understanding of their process—without judgment. The ability to connect with others is the foundational component necessary for lasting and real community building.

3. Shared Pain Creates Strong Community: The Three Musketeers had a saying, “One for all and all for one.” Those words sum up community in its truest and most basic sense. Communities are disrupted and power weakened when there is no common goal, vision or path. When we have experienced defining moments, gathering in community is pivotal to our continued growth and development. Pain can help us build those connections. A word of caution however, as we work through our pain and come to new points of discovery, it is key to respect the pace and duration of another’s process. We must be careful to never hold others back, or push people forward based on our timing.

Do Your Work! Spend 15-30 minutes with your journal. What are you passionate about? How do you explore those passions? Analyze how/if pain helped you to discover or fuels your passion.  

Define Your Wealth! “I will not allow my pain to redefine me. Instead, I use my pain to bring definition to my life and purpose.”

Named eWomenNetwork’s first “North America’s Next Greatest Speaker” in 2012, Coach Felicia is a Certified Executive Coach who empowers her clients to “Turn their Worth into Wealth” as she partners with them to DISCOVER their WORTH, DO their WORK and DEFINE their WEALTH. Get more insight, download the FREE “8 Choices Winners Must Make” seminar MP3 at www.coachfelicia.com

Copyright © 2015 by Felicia T. Scott.  All rights reserved.

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