You Can't Change A Man: His Character Vs. His Personality

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You can't change a man's character, but it is possible to inspire an attitude adjustment. Here's how to know the difference between a red flag and speed bump.

How many times have we looked over warning signs or “red flags” in a relationship? We can all probably think back months or sometimes years ago and recall a specific situation where we ignored these glaring road blocks but made an excuse that “he must be having a bad day” or thought, “well let me see if he does it again?” Well guess what, nine times out of ten, if it’s in his character he will do it again. During our Dating Class for Women Of Power,  we have our clients write down the characteristic traits of their ideal mate.  But what we’ve found is that most of what they write is in fact personality traits which can be adjusted. Most times character traits are almost impossible to change except when things like an additional accountability measure comes into play such as a spiritual awakening, a catastrophic life altering event or introducing a positive and respected role model or coach.

Character can be described as a pattern of qualities of an individual, which are distinct from other human beings that make up one’s personality. Everyone has character traits, both good and bad. Also referred to as “integrity”, it can especially refer to moral and mental qualities. Personality can also be described as a set of qualities that makes a unique individual. However, personality is generally associated with the outer appearance and behavior of an individual and can often times be learned or developed while character is engrained and part of their genetic make-up. Here are 12 scenarios to help you identify various traits and how you can file them in your mind as a positive characteristic or a serious red flag that may not ever be changed:

1.    When I met Mark, he was smart and funny and the life of the party. He was considered outgoing and a complete extrovert. I was extremely attracted to him. (PERSONALITY!)

2.    I would get so aggravated when Rodney and I would schedule a date and the day of, he’s nowhere to be found. This continues to occur over and over.  (CHARACTER!)

3.    I love it when we have dinner together and before we eat without fail, Tommy grabs my hand and prays before eating. (CHARACTER!)

4.    What I have learned over time is when Darren is more talkative in the morning and full of energy,  it’s a great time to discuss date plans or vacation ideas.(PERSONALITY!)

5.    I enjoy listening to Jamal talk about his 2 boys and how he enjoys teaching them to play soccer. He discusses the importance for them to respect time and other teammates.  (CHARACTER!)

6.    One thing I adored about my man is that he was persistent until I gave him my contact information.  He was determined that he would take me out and show me a great time because he believes a woman should be treated like a queen. (CHARACTER!)

7.    As I watched Jason in boardroom meetings, he stood back with his shoulders back and exuded confidence.  (PERSONALITY!)

8.    When a heated argument arises, Jason never takes responsibly for his actions. Everything is always my fault and somehow, I get blamed for it all. (CHARACTER!)

9.    It seems, as though nothing out of this mans mouth is the truth, he’s told me a different version time and time again. I can’t trust him. (CHARACTER!)

10.    I know for a fact that I can call Kyle when I have a flat tire and he will be there to help me on time. He is so dependable and reliable. (CHARACTER!)

11.    Neil is notorious for putting me down and not valuing anything I have to say. Based on his temper so far, I’m not so sure he would never become physically abusive.  (CHARACTER!)

12.    John is such a giving person.  He enjoys volunteering as a mentor to teenage boys.  (CHARACTER!)

We encourage you to write down a list of what you desire in your man. We suggest making the list reasonable with the majority character traits that you want, and also ones that you will not accept, as these traits are more of the make up of who a person truly is. And realize, most times these things will not be drastically modified over time so know what you can live, where you have some flexibility, and where there is no tolerance. Some great examples of character traits are being honest, respectful, compassionate, timely, and loyal.

A few personality traits could be a good listener, flexible, logical, and disciplined. We hope these examples were helpful and if you’re interested in taking our 4-week web based Dating Class For Women Of Power, starting soon, join us for more great tips by visiting our website to learn more.

Here’s To LOVE!

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