Coach Felicia: “Healing Hurts!”

Photo by Keith Major
Getting from where you are to where you want to be can be a painful process. Coach Felicia offers her advice to help ease the transition.

Discover Your Worth! “This is a lot worse than we thought it was!” my dentist said as he drilled away at the cavity in my wisdom tooth. Every time I thought he was finished, he would start drilling again. Once done, he simply said… “Now we wait and see if this works. Otherwise, you’ll need a root canal.” 

As I stepped out his office and the cold NYC air whipped against my face, pain and sensitivity spread from my jaw to my ears and throat. How did I go from filling to possible root canal in 60 minutes? Apparently my tooth had been infected a long time, but it was growing undetected beneath the surface of an old filling.

We are at the start of a fresh new year and for many, it is a time to try something new and believe again. We know where we are and where we want to be. But the reality is that goals are not easy to reach and if fulfilling vision was an easy thing—many of us would already be living the lives we’ve imagined.

But the truth of the matter is that in between where we are and where we want to be is a road filled with pain, discomfort, sacrifice and time. Change isn’t easy and as we work towards transforming desired goals into new realities, we must be prepared to face our pain.

Here are three things we must remember as we address the roadblocks that will inevitably surface in the pursuit of our goals:  

1. We must address our past: The old filling in my tooth had me fooled. I’d placed false confidence in it, thinking that my problem had been solved. But without my knowledge, things were rotting underneath the surface. Sometimes we think we’ve made peace with our past, when all we’ve really done is become skilled at ignoring the problems and forfeit the true transformation realized when we work through our stuff. 

2. Pain is a part of healing: My tooth wasn’t giving me any trouble or causing any pain—on the surface. So, I was blissfully unaware of the trouble I was in. It was only after the work started and my dentist was removing the decayed and infected areas that pain settled in. Actually, it seemed to spread. Many times, we are making improvements and getting stronger but we allow what we feel to be the measure of our success. It’s important that we determine what landmarks indicate true progress. Otherwise, we face the possibility of being discouraged by our pain, when it’s simply part of the healing process.

3. We always have options: My tooth was severely infected and although I wasn’t excited about any of the treatment plans my doctor proposed, I was empowered by the reality of “choice.” Many times we feel victim to life and circumstances but even in our pain, we get to choose how we heal. We get to examine and explore our options. Things may not always work out the way we plan, but it important that we remember our possibilities and give ourselves the grace and permission to find them.

Do Your Work! How do you handle the disappointments and setbacks that challenge the pursuit of your goals? Look for ways you may have allowed your emotions to distort your perspective on your success and progress.

Define Your Wealth! Affirm out loud, “I am not afraid of my pain. It reminds me that I am still alive and therefore still a candidate for things to change!”

Named eWomenNetwork’s first “North America’s Next Greatest Speaker” in 2012, Coach Felicia is a Personal Worth Strategist who empowers her clients to “Turn their Worth into Wealth” as she partners with them to DISCOVER their WORTH, DO their WORK and DEFINE their WEALTH. As a gift this week, ESSENCE.com readers will receive FREE registration to her “THRIVE! Ideas Journaling Teleseminar” at www.coachfelicia.com/essence-gift. Visit Coach Felicia at www.coachfelicia.com

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