Ask Dr. Sherry: ‘How Can I Fix Things With My Wife? Defeat Is Not An Option!’

A husband takes ownership of his role in his marital problems and reaches out to Dr. Sherry to find out how to fix things with his wife.

You've seen celebrity clinical psychologist Dr. Sherry Blake, author of The Single Married Woman: True Stories of Why Women Feel All Alone in Their Marriages, keep the Braxton sisters calm on the hit show Braxton Family Values. Now it's your turn to sit in her chair...

Dr. Sherry,

My wife and I will celebrate two years of marriage on Valentine’s Day. We only knew each other for three months before getting married. We have a five-year gap in our ages and get along great most of the time. We both brought our own list of issues to the marriage, but through it all we just had our first baby together on the first of November after five weeks of being separated. Now, looking at this little miracle, we are trying to put the pieces back together. I admit to having extra marital relationships and encounters while we were apart. I definitely understand how wrong I was and am sincerely sorry for the pain I have caused her. I could go on about what she did, but I'm focusing on me and taking responsibility for what I did wrong. Now dealing with the females I dropped to get back with my wife, and stay there, seems to be harder than most because she continues to communicate with them. How do I combat these outside influences while trying desperately to earn back my wife's trust, respect and love? Please, any good advice on how to proceed in this endeavor will be appreciated. Let there be no doubt, I'm willing to do anything to have a successful and happy family with my wife and daughter and defeat is not an option.

Best,

Anonymous

Dear Brother,

I want to commend you for writing in as a male and taking responsibility for your role in your marital problems. Many males shy away from reaching out and asking for help and more so acknowledging that they have a role in problems with their mate. It sounds as if you really want your marriage and are willing to do whatever is necessary to have it. That is great but it takes two to have a marriage. Marriage is not a one-person show. Does your wife want the marriage too, and is she willing to work for it? If she wants the marriage, you must both fight for it together. Start with being honest and transparent. Why is your wife communicating with women you were messing around with? Does she know you were with them? Are they her "so called" friends? Sorry, but there is a lot of "VI" (vital information) missing from your story. You must come clean with your wife and tell her the whole truth. She may leave or she may decide to work through issues with you. That choice is hers. It is better for you to tell her the truth about these women rather than for someone else to tell her. She will feel even more hurt, angry and betrayed if she finds out on her own. No woman likes being made a fool out of. You should cut off all communication with the other women and talk with your wife. I highly recommend marital therapy for you and your wife to work through issues and try to save your marriage. This is serious, but not hopeless!  -- Dr. Sherry

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Filed under: Love & Sex