A few months ago, I was sitting in the salon listening to the other women share their relationship woes. As you know, you’ll overhear some rather juicy topics if you just pay close attention. There was a woman discussing how displeased she is in her current relationship. “He’s so trifling!” said one woman. “He doesn’t take me anywhere. He’s always broke. He has so much drama with his babies' mamas.” (There were four of those ‘baby’s mamas.’) The conversation went on for about an hour and a half with the woman continuing to vent about all the things this man was not. Finally, I had to intervene because the relationship coach in me could not allow this nonsense to continue a moment further. “Excuse me,” I said. “I know you are not talking to me, but I have listened to you for over an hour discussing how unhappy you are in your current relationship. Can I ask you a question?"
That’s how it started, and what below I've recapped what transpired after that. If you’ve ever gone off about a man in a similar fashion when venting to one of your girlfriends, you need to keep reading.
ME (TANA): Why are you with this guy?
LADY: It’s better than being alone.
TANA: Really?! Tell me how. You said he doesn’t take you anywhere, he’s full of drama, and he consistently drains you emotionally. What’s "better" about that?
LADY: At least I can say I have somebody. I have plenty of friends that are single and lonely. I’m not getting any younger, and I don’t have time to be looking for anyone new.
TANA: Do you have time to risk your health by dealing with this type of stress and emotional discomfort?
LADY: I have never thought about it that way. I just don’t have the energy...
TANA: Did you know that by allowing him to treat you this way, you are telling him that you don’t deserve to be treated any better and this treatment works just fine for you? Additionally, it sends the message that you will accept whatever he has to offer.
LADY: What do you recommend I do?
TANA: I recommend you take a good look in the mirror and ask yourself, "Is he God’s best for me?" If your answer is no, then you need to sit down and determine what it is it that you want. Make a list. Next, begin your exit strategy. Write down all of the reasons why this man is not right for you. This will help ensure tthat you have the confidence you will need to cut the relationship off. Last, explain to him that this relationship is not what you had planned for your life and you want and deserve more!.
For those women who are currently in this space, please know that this just a temporary fix and you are not obligated to stay there. Sometimes, we may need to be held or feel human touch, and it might be easier to just become comfortable or complacent with your current situation. Kelli and I hear this same scenario at least once a week from a potential client, and trust me, we get it. Just know that it’s only a season, and he wasn’t meant to be with you for a lifetime. When you are feeling weak, revert back to the list of why you deserve someone great, and The One will eventually show up, ready and willing to treat you the way you require to be treated. I promise. Here’s to Love! -- Tana
Tana Gilmore, of The Matchmaking Duo, is a professional matchmaker and dating coach. For more information visit TheMatchmakingDuo.com.