Ask Dr. Sherry: ‘10 Years and Two Kids In, I’m Tired Of Playing Wife’

A reader tired of waiting on a ring asks Dr. Sherry why her longtime lover still insists that she’s not ready to be his wife.

You've seen celebrity clinical psychologist Dr. Sherry Blake, author of The Single Married Woman: True Stories of Why Women Feel All Alone in Their Marriages, keep the Braxton sisters calm on the hit show Braxton Family Values. Now it's your turn to sit in her chair...

Dear Dr. Sherri,

My name is Shay. I'm 29 years old and I've been with my boyfriend for 10 years now. We have two beautiful children together and I know he's the one, although 10 years in there has still been no proposal or wedding. We've discussed it several times, and his reply is always "one day" or he'll say that I'm not ready. And, when I ask him why he feels like I'm not ready, he has no specifics to offer. I've waited patiently, but I'm sick of playing wife without the ring and official title. What should I do? Help!

Thanks,

Tired of playing Wifey

Dear Sis,
After 10 years of playing "wifey" and still no proposal and no wedding, are you really sure that your boyfriend is "the one?” What makes you believe that he really is? Is it your two children that you have together? Please do not assume that being a father to your children makes a man "the one.” You may believe that your boyfriend is the one for you but you may not be the one for him.

Your boyfriend is stringing you along and blaming you for his unwillingness to commit to marriage. The idea that he is deciding for you that you are not ready for marriage is simply bull! And, it is also very disrespectful to you.

He does not want to get married and really has no reason to marry you at this point. As long as you settle for playing the role of "wifey" that role will be all you have. It you want more, you have to stop settling for less. This means you must change your role in his life today. This change can only happen when you become sick and tired of being sick and tired from playing house with your boyfriend. Changing your role may mean changing your address. Continuing to do the same old thing for the past 10 years has only gotten you the same results. I would recommend that you make some tough decisions and get ready to move on with your life as a single parent. Unless your boyfriend decides to go to couples therapy with you, you have done enough talking and expressing your desire for marriage. It is time to dig deep within and do something different that is going to move you in the direction you want your life to go. Remember change starts with you!  -- Dr. Sherry

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Filed under: Love & Sex