“Some things you have to let be lost.
Some battles, you have to leave un-fought.”
—Ben Harper, “Faithfully Remain”
Let’s be clear. If it will fall apart without your effort, it’s already broken. It's not your responsibility alone to keep all the pieces together. There's a time for trying to work things out and a time to surrender. Faith and denial are not the same. One manifests reality, the other ignores it. What are you doing?
If you’re reading this, I imagine you’re too old to keep pretending that all kinds of wars can be won. We often spend so much time desperately trying to make things right that we stop considering whether what we’re fighting for is even worth our frontline effort anymore. Even though he/she or the situation repeatedly makes us feel bad, we want to prove to ourselves that it can work. Why?
Every job is not meant to be kept. Every relationship is not meant to last. Not everyone you meet who needs help is meant to be helped if they don’t want to help themselves. You must understand where you are in every situation and what is being asked of you in order to evolve to the next level in your life—understanding that if you’re holding on when you’re meant to be moving forward, you’re creating unnecessary chaos.
If you find that you often feel stuck in a cycle of confusion, there's probably a bloody flag blowing somewhere trying to knock you across the freaking head. Stop ignoring it. Look. See. Read. Respond accordingly rather than assume the burden of transforming the situation rests solely with you.
Don't you want to major in something other than “struggle”—some of the time? Major in more than proving you’re right—sometimes? Spend your precious energy doing something other than defending your vision—most of the time? You cannot apologize for who you are or what you want all of the time without deeply fracturing your self-worth. No person, thing, or situation is worth compromising your ability to be madly in love with yourself.
You’ve got to know that you are not too emotional, too needy, too sensitive, too demanding, too broken, too dramatic or ‘too anything’ to be loved. We're all created in the majestic image of the divine and as such you are loved wholly and unconditionally for simply being. If there is a person or situation in your life that is making you feel otherwise, it’s time for you to do some radical purging in your life, immediately.
Get quiet. Go within. Commit to throwing away all of your justifications for ignoring, denying, pretending, blindly hoping, martyring and any other way of being that compromises your quality of life. Be willing to tell yourself the truth. Denial is a powerful drug that disguises dead ends and makes them appear to be problems that can be solved. But all dead ends, whether served up by Jack-asses or life, are designed to remind us that we are not God.
Your Crossfade Tip(s):
Stay in your lane. Be equally steadfast and willing to surrender. Know which season you’re in. Meet either with faith.