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Ask Dr. Sherry: His Child’s Mother Is Making It Hard For Us

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Dr Sherry Profile Two

You've seen celebrity clinical psychologist Dr. Sherry Blake, author of The Single Married Woman: True Stories of Why Women Feel All Alone in Their Marriages, keep the Braxton sisters calm on the hit show Braxton Family Values. Now it's your turn to sit in her chair...

Dear Dr. Sherry,

I dated my now ex for five years and the entire time we were together he kept lying and having women calling, texting and insulting me. He was so controlling, but because I was so in love with him I accepted lot of his behavior. I mean I don't know why I stayed with him for so long because he was very verbally, physically and emotionally abusive to me. He would call my friends “hoes” and how I was just like them. Some time last year we got engaged but weeks later I got news he was discussing with his friends how I forced him to propose, which of course, I didn't. It hurt so bad that I ended the relationship. Well, my big question here is, I started seeing an old friend from 10 years ago, and he's a great and amazing guy. My issue right now is his child's mother. I mean she can't seem to let him go. When we are together she's constantly calling him and taking away from our private time. I'm starting to fall for this guy but with his child's mother I don't want to end up being played again. So, what should I do Dr. Sherry?

Signed,

Anonymous

Dear Sis,

I am really sorry that you had to be hurt so badly by your ex before you could let go and move on. It seemed that despite his verbal, physical, and emotional abuse, you continued to hold out hope that he would change. It is highly likely that your ex was not going to change and was using your engagement to continue to control you without any real intent of getting married. It took a lot of courage to end the relationship but you did! That is great! However, my concern is how you really feel about yourself. For whatever reason, you have not taken anytime for yourself to heal emotionally. After dealing with so much, you are already in another relationship. Your new relationship does not seem to be any healthier than your last relationship. He may be "a great and amazing guy," but obviously he has a lot of old baggage. You mentioned his baby's mama as the problem. She is actually the least of your problems! She would be a non-factor if your boyfriend wanted her to be and if he was really in to you. She is an issue because he allows her to be.

Your boyfriend is still dealing with her on some level beyond being the father of their child. You must ask yourself why you are willing to settle and deal with men that are not willing to treat you like you want to be treated. The issues in both of your relationships are not about the men but about you. I suggest that you talk to a therapist about your self-esteem and relationships. You deserve more but change starts with you! – Dr. Sherry

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