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Ask Dr. Sherry: ‘I’m Holding On To Him Just to Have Someone!’

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Dr Sherry Profile Two

You've seen celebrity clinical psychologist Dr. Sherry Blake, author of The Single Married Woman: True Stories of Why Women Feel All Alone in Their Marriages, keep the Braxton sisters calm on the hit show Braxton Family Values. Now it's your turn to sit in her chair...

Dr. Sherry,

I was reading one of the questions you were asked before about being in a friends with benefits situation. I'm currently in one and at one point I felt as if we had a chance at being something more because I caught feelings for him. One day, I said I couldn't deal with the arrangement anymore and I stopped calling or texting him. I did well for about a month and then he called and I went right back to the “situationship.” It gets a little more interesting because I moved many miles away (455 to be exact) and I’ve invited him here to spend time with me, yet he makes excuses and never does. And still he demands to see me every time I'm in our hometown.

I'm over the situation but I can't seem to stay away and it feels as if he can sense when I'm pulling away because it's the only time he calls or text to pull me back in. I want something more meaningful with substance and to experience love and to actually date like a 26-year-old woman should, but I think I'm holding on just to feel like I have someone. Dr. Sherry what should or could I do and how can I break this vicious cycle because I definitely want more?

Signed,

Anonymous

Dear Sis,

The first step in breaking any cycle is to understand that you are in a cycle. A cycle continues with women because they hope things will change on there on. They will not! Change starts with you! You are the only one with the power to change your situation. Your friend has no need to change as long as he continues to receive benefits. I am certain that he only contacts you when he is concerned you may pull away. If you truly want a meaningful relationship, you must decide that you are worth more than a "booty call".

You must stop the cycle by stopping your behavior. As long as you continue to respond to him on any level, you are sending him mixed messages. You are also lying to yourself, if you believe that he will ever be more than a friend with benefits to him. You are holding on to false hopes and dreams of how things could be as opposed to the reality of how they are. It may be emotionally painful for while if you walk for good, but you will get through it. Once you are ready to let go and move on, don't look back! – Dr. Sherry

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