You've seen celebrity clinical psychologist Dr. Sherry Blake, author of The Single Married Woman: True Stories of Why Women Feel All Alone in Their Marriages, keep the Braxton sisters calm on the hit show Braxton Family Values. Now it's your turn to sit in her chair.
Dr. Sherry, I am dating a man and things are rocky. He cheated on me early in the relationship with his ex and got her pregnant. I had a feeling something was up and asked him. He denied it. Soon he was forced to tell me. I decided to forgive him and move forward with the relationship. Months later we moved in together and I was the only one working. This was my first apartment and I wanted to help him get on his feet. I found out he was yet again speaking to another woman and he told more lies. He even sent text messages to the woman while sitting next to me at church. I found out that he had denied us being together to her and I kicked him out. I felt depressed and didn’t know how to deal with these emotions. We were not together and I turned my attention to another man and slept with him. I felt horrible and like I had disrespected myself. I ended up getting back with my ex and knew I had to tell him the truth. When I told him, he said what I did was unacceptable and that he wants to leave the relationship, which is a complete double standard after all the times he cheated when we were together. What should I do?
Signed, Cheated On and Confused
Dear Ms. Cheated On and Confused,
Have you ever heard the saying " blinded by love"? Unfortunately, you are definitely blinded! Trust me, you are not the first and will not be the last women to be blinded by love. Your heart is getting in the way of you clearly seeing the real deal with your boyfriend. You say he wants to leave? By all means, show him the door quickly! But this time, lock the door behind him for good! He is using your admission of being with another man as an excuse for his behavior. The thought that he has the audacity to even suggest that your behavior was "unacceptable " is comical. This is the same guy that slept with is ex and she became pregnant while he was with you. This is the same guy that was texting and talking to other women while he was with you. This is the same guy that does not have a job and you are paying for everything because you wanted to "help him get on his feet". Really? He is using and playing you like a fiddle. You are playing right into his hands. You must ask yourself why are you allowing yourself to be used and disrespected. Especially by someone who you are taking care of! Forget loving him and fearing losing someone and something you never had. Find and love yourself! You must love yourself enough to take off the rose color glasses that is helping to keep you blind! It may be painful but you desire more. Right now, you are settling and holding on to what it could be rather than the reality of what it is! I suggest that you seek individual therapy to process your feelings and move on with your life. Moving on with life can be painful at times but it is necessary. – Dr Sherry
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