Passionate Living Coach Abiola Abrams gives love, dating and self-esteem advice on the CW's Bill Cunningham Show and all over the web through her hit web series AbiolaTV. Now she wants to help you keep things spicy and fresh between the sheets. Are you in need of an intimacy intervention? Just ask Abiola!
My boyfriend of eight months is a horrible lover. This man, who I swear love, is perfect until the lights go out. He’s a sloppy kisser. Then he swears he’s doing work when he’s giving me oral sex but it’s just gross. To top it all off, once we get into it, the intercourse is just wack.
I’ve been faking it the entire time, so he doesn’t know just how bad it is, but I can’t take it anymore. I love this man and I love him holding and caressing me. But, I find myself pretending to be asleep or tired or crampy when he wants more.
Can I teach a bad lover new tricks?
My Dearest Incompatible,
What a conundrum. You have found a man you adore but your body disagrees.
The main problem is that you taught your man to be a horrible lover by faking it! When you fake pleasure and orgasm, your lover says, yes, now I know how to please her. Every time you gave an ooh or ahh to something that didn’t feel good, you were lying.
Lucky for you, unlike an old dog, a bad lover can be taught new tricks. First of all, the next time your man goes into his routine, resist the urge to fake it no matter what. Instead, ask for what you want. Yes, how controversial -- ask!
Your man is not a mind reader. It’s okay to say, “a little to the left” or “please don’t stop.” Invite your man to join you in a sexy adventure. Say, “baby, I want to take our intimacy deeper.” Then show him how to please you or if you don’t know, you can find out together. When he starts the sloppy kissing ask him to slow down because you want to enjoy him fully.
My darling, as I say in my new book, The Sacred Bombshell Handbook of Self-Love, pleasure is your sacred birthright. You deserve to feel good in your skin. You deserve to enjoy making love with the man you love. Stop faking the funk and above all to thine own goddess self be true.
Abiola Abrams is the founder of The Bombshell Academy blog, online school and web series over at AbiolaTV. Follow her on Twitter to continue the discussion about this week's hot topic, and then email her your burning questions now. Anything you send will be posted anonymously, promise.