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Ask Dr. Sherry: ‘Is My Husband Cheating, Or Am I Just Paranoid?’

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Dr Sherry Profile Two

You've seen celebrity clinical psychologist Dr. Sherry Blake, author of The Single Married Woman: True Stories of Why Women Feel All Alone in Their Marriages, keep the Braxton sisters calm on the hit show Braxton Family Values. Now it's your turn to sit in her chair...

Dr. Sherry,

My husband “Jake” has a co-worker friend “Bill” who was dating a young woman we’ll call “Suzy.”  The four of us became friends and then we double dated, shared dinners and even took trips together. Bill and Suzy broke up, but my husband still continues a friendship with Suzy. They email and text each other behind my back and he’s only made a random comment here and there implying that he still speaks to her.

As far as I know, he has not been out with Suzy other than when the three of us have been together. I've noticed that he has changed his password to his phone and iPad and I know they are still emailing each other.

Am I overly sensitive and paranoid, or do I need to lay down some ground rules here? Am I wrong to think that a married man having an ongoing friendship with a single woman who is the ex-girlfriend of his co worker is wrong?

Signed,

Worried

Dear Sis,

I don't think you are being overly sensitive or paranoid here. Something is wrong with this picture and it is not your imagination playing tricks on you. Why would your husband have a reason to remain friends with his coworker's ex-girlfriend? It does not seem that you or his co-worker have remained close friends or even have a relationship with her at all. So, why does your husband still have one? One of the things that makes his "friendship" with her smell fishy is really the fact that he is secretive about it all. If there was nothing more than a mere friendship here, why are you not included in his conversations with her and why did he need to change his password to his phone and iPad? Really?! Your husband must believe that you are either naive, simple or stupid. Their relationship stinks and he must believe that you cannot smell it. It is time to politely but directly confront your husband by asking him about the nature of his relationship with her and when it will end. Also, ask him about his need to change his password. Don't be surprised if he becomes defensive and/or gives you a response that makes no sense. Rather than get upset and argue with him, just listen. I am sure that the more he talks, the crazier his explanation will sound. That is okay because it will be a clear indicator and confirmation that something inappropriate is definitely going on and you need to address it. Once you are clear, the ball is in your court. At that time, you must decide how, and if, you are going to play the game with your husband.  --  Dr. Sherry

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