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Ask Dr. Sherry: 'My Fiancé’s Keeping Secrets About Another Woman'

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Dr Sherry Profile Two

You've seen celebrity clinical psychologist Dr. Sherry Blake, author of The Single Married Woman: True Stories of Why Women Feel All Alone in Their Marriages, keep the Braxton sisters calm on the hit show Braxton Family Values. Now it's your turn to sit in her chair...

Dr. Sherry,

My fiancé has some of his brother’s ex-girlfriend’s stuff in his home. For the last six months I've stayed over and when I have to clean her things are always in my way. I asked him to call the woman and have her pick her stuff up. He responds by telling me none of my business, and to quote him, "you would not want to meet her.” I never said anything about meeting her, but now his statement puzzles me. Then, while I was gone  he hid her things in his cousin’s room. (That's the first place I looked when I saw everything was moved from his room.) How do I approach this situation? It’s awkward.

Signed,

Anonymous

Dear Sis,

I am totally confused. Why does your fiancé have his brother's ex girlfriend's stuff in his home? The fact that he has the audacity to tell you that it is none of your business when you said something about her picking up her things is a flaming red flag.  Another obvious red flag is that your fiancé hid her things from you when you kept asking about them. Plus, he clearly does not want you to meet her and that’s a bad sign. 

Really? Something does not add up here. What is really going on? Trust me when I tell you, there is something going on. The flaming red flags are a reflection of the status of your relationship with your fiancé. A major problem is how he is communicating with you, and more importantly, the fact that you accept it. He is the person you are planning to marry but he cannot be upfront with you about simple things. This should be a tale tell sign of what is to come. His style of communication will not change on its own. Unfortunately, many women make the mistake of thinking that things will improve once they marry. I would suggest that you stop and talk with him about what is really going on with the woman and why her things are in his home. Also, you must deal with how he is communicating with you.

This situation is an opportunity for you to take a closer look at yourself and your needs. Be honest with yourself and process your feelings regarding how you are being treated by your fiancé. If you want something different, you must do something different, okay? Change starts with you! -- Dr. Sherry

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