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Ask Dr. Sherry: ‘I Think My Younger Boyfriend Is Still Sleeping With His Ex’

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Dr Sherry Profile Two

You've seen celebrity clinical psychologist Dr. Sherry Blake, author of The Single Married Woman: True Stories of Why Women Feel All Alone in Their Marriages, keep the Braxton sisters calm on the hit show Braxton Family Values. Now it's your turn to sit in her chair...

Dr. Sherry,

I'm a 32-year-old but my boyfriend is 25. When I first met him I was just getting out of a divorce. He was 23 at the time and I was 29 with two kids from my previous marriage. I learned that he had just broken up with his ex about two months before we got together – my cousin, who works with the girl, also confirmed this. We have been together since 2011 and she still won’t go away.

She constantly calls and text me saying that she is still sleeping with him but when I ask her to prove it she doesn’t. Instead she tells me that she doesn't have to prove anything to me. She shows up to my house when he is here and I have been to court three times about her trespassing on my property and for harassment. Every time she sees him she jumps on him to fight him. It’s just a whole bunch of crazy stuff. It has been almost three years and she is still in the picture. I don't understand why she is acting this way if nothing is going on between them. He says she's crazy and he was the first real boyfriend she ever had, but I just can't see anyone acting this crazy for this long over a man they’re not sleeping with. Please help me. I just don't understand.

Best,

Anonymous

Dear Sis,

You “think” your boyfriend is still sleeping with his ex? Really!? What is there to think about? I am sorry, and I know it hurts, but you already know that he is sleeping with this woman. His ex does not go away because she never left. She has clearly told you that she is sleeping with him in more ways than one. Why do you think that he has not put a stop to her assertions or convinced you that she is just crazy? If she is jumping on him and fighting him, why hasn't he taken out a restraining order against her?  Trust me, where there is smoke, there is fire. In your case, the flame is burning and raging out of control. Your boyfriend is probably flattered that she is going  ballistic and losing it because of his relationship with you.

While this may be cute and flattering for a 25-year-old single male, it is not very cute or funny for a 32-year-old mother of two who wants a serious relationship. He is doing nothing but playing games. Unfortunately, you and his ex are playing the game with him. This is not about his ex; it is about him. But more importantly, it is about you. You must separate your issues from their issues and stop playing the game. Why are you still with someone who has continued to have his ex around and harassing you after three years? If he has not gotten rid of her after three years, there is a reason and he has no plans to. If he does not respect you enough to eliminate her, you must respect yourself enough to eliminate him. If you want more you have to demand more. You must decide that you desire more and stop settling for someone playing games. – Dr. Sherry

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