Passionate Living Coach Abiola Abrams gives love, dating and self-esteem advice on the CW's Bill Cunningham Show and all over the web through her hit web series AbiolaTV. Now she wants to help you keep things spicy and fresh between the sheets. Are you in need of an intimacy intervention? Just ask Abiola!
I hate writing this. I’ve been dating a really great dude for about five months. We met online and we were feeling each other from day one. He’s Idris Elba fine, real smart, tall, funny, good job and no kids. This brings me to the problem.
Have you ever heard of a micropenis? First he said he wanted to wait until we were sure about each other to have sex and I thought that just went with his thoughtful personality.. Then after four months he confessed that he had condition called “micropenis”. And if I had a problem with it I could bounce and he’d understand. Basically, he said he was really, really, really tiny. I’ve experienced different sizes so I told him that I didn’t care.
We finally got naked and OMG. I was thinking a regular small penis but NO. Apparently a micropenis is in a class by itself. Google it. A micropenis is practically no penis and unfortunately he can’t enter me or anybody else. Yup. We can’t have sex.
Now I don’t know what to do. It was like being in Middle School. We can do everything else sexually speaking except intercourse. I’m sorry but sex is important to me and I never dreamed that I would ever look forward to a life without sex.
Should I cut and run or am I being shallow?
Congrats on meeting such a man who is smart, funny, attractive and into you. Do you know how many stars have to align for us to find someone that we like across the board and have them feel the same way at the same time?
Unfortunately, you’ve come to a bump in the road. (No pun intended.) According to WebMD, a microphallus is is less than 2.75 inches long when erect. As Lady Gaga sings, he was “Born This Way.”
Photographer Abigail Ekue recently did a revealing piece about men who live with a micropenis. She interviewed a man whose tumblr blog is named “Martin’s Tiny Penis.” Martin says that he is the “proud owner of a micropenis” and his goal is to reduce stigmas and shame for other men who are not well-endowed. He wants to challenge the idea that a man’s genital size is linked to “his manhood, his potency, his strength, his health.” I say, good for him!
We speak a lot about body love and body acceptance when it comes to women. If a man wrote me a letter saying that he wanted to break it off with his girlfriend because of her body we’d be up in arms. When it comes to men, it’s time that we acknowledge that they have body image challenges and physical insecurities as well.
It was probably really hard for Mr. Tall Dark and Handsome to reveal his condition to you. What an awkward conversation to have every time you get serious about someone!
Given that, I don’t think that you’re being shallow. Sex is an important part of a relationship. The idea that you could never be intimate with your man in the traditional way is daunting to say the least.
It’s important for you to note that sex is not just the act of intercourse. You can be intimate and bring each other pleasure in a myriad of ways. I would suggest that you experiment with toys and make the journey a fun part of your exploration.
If this man is a kind, caring, decent and loyal human being, it’s time for you both to become creative to see how you can bring each other pleasure. Give it a chance. See how the relationship develops and make a decision from your heart about whether to proceed.
If you decide that the situation is just not what you want to sign up for, then move on. Pray on it, listen to your heart and you’ll find the decision that is right for you.
Abiola Abrams is the founder of The Bombshell Academy blog, online school and web series over at AbiolaTV. Follow her on Twitter to continue the discussion about this week's hot topic, and then email her your burning questions now. Anything you send will be posted anonymously, promise.