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Ask Dr. Sherry: ‘Men Keep Mistreating Me’

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Dr Sherry Profile Two

You've seen celebrity clinical psychologist Dr. Sherry Blake, author of The Single Married Woman: True Stories of Why Women Feel All Alone in Their Marriages, keep the Braxton sisters calm on the hit show Braxton Family Values. Now it's your turn to sit in her chair...

Dr. Sherry,

I am a young educated woman who sometimes struggles on the dating scene. I have only had one major relationship in the past and it wasn't the best. My ex was abusive and he cheated and lied a lot. I was so naive, I believed him and accepted him back into my life. I finally got to a point where I was completely done with that and ready to casually date.

My casual dating led me to meet this extremely handsome guy. Let's say his name was Tee. Tee and I dated for about five months. He really was a good guy until we became sexually active. The sex was amazing but he treated me worse than my ex.

We would see each other out at sporting events or parties, and he wouldn't acknowledge my presence while in public. I felt belittled by his lack of acknowledgement outside of the bedroom. Unfortunately, Tee and I continued to have casual, drive -by- sex for years.

It wasn't until I found out that Tee had a girlfriend and a baby on the way that I decided to completely call it off. I was heartbroken all over again. I'm so young and I don't want these early experiences with men to continue to deter me from jumping out there and dating again. I need help, Dr. Sherry.

Sincerely,

Lonely In Atlanta

Dear Sis,

Your heart is one of your most prized possessions and you keep giving it away to men who do not deserve any part of it or your time. People should earn your heart rather than you just giving it over to them. You will continue to have your heart broken until you understand the games that some men play.

You have sent a clear message to the men you have been with that you will settle and accept anything including being disrespected and abused. When men know this, they treat you accordingly. You have confused "casual, drive-by sex" with dating. Unfortunately, "Tee" never viewed or treated you as anything more than a friend with benefits. Even that title is stretching it given he was not a friend but still received those benefits.

Tee or any other person will only treat you the way you allow them. You must take a serious look at why you accept mistreatment from others. This is related to how you view and value yourself. I would recommend that you seek therapy to deal with these issues. You deserve happiness and more from a relationship. In order to have more, you must take control of your life and make some changes. Change starts with you. -- Dr. Sherry

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