Passionate Living Coach Abiola Abrams gives love, dating and self-esteem advice on the CW's Bill Cunningham Show and all over the web through her hit web series AbiolaTV. Now she wants to help you keep things spicy and fresh between the sheets. Are you in need of an intimacy intervention? Just ask Abiola!
Do I really have to wait 90 days to have sex with my man?
I hope you’re able to answer this letter quickly -- I need to hear back ASAP. Almost two weeks ago I met my man. We started dating and have an incredible bond. He’s handsome and successful. I hit the jackpot with this one and he could really be my husband.
Even though it has been only about 10 days, we are both in love -- and lust. I feel so horny but my friends are telling me to hold out for the 90-Day Rule. This situation is killing both of us.
Until a few months ago I was with a lot of guys. I was jaded and didn’t care so I would hook up with men the same day I met them. My new boyfriend is the first time that I ever really tried to hold out. Even though I have only known this man a short time it’s different. We are inseparable. We have both said the “L-word” already. He says he never felt this way about any other woman and I am the one.
This situation is killing me! Isn’t a 90-day Rule childish at this point? I’m 32. Shouldn’t I just take my Big Girl Panties off go for it if I feel like it? This won’t matter when we get married, right?
My Dearest F Squared,
Take a deep breath. Pull up the Big Girl Panties, have a cold shower, a plush seat and let’s talk, woman to woman. Kudos on meeting someone that you feel connected to. So many factors have to line up for you both to feel like “this is the one.”
Here’s my main question for you, gorgeous. What’s the rush? Ten days is less than the life cycle of a fly.
If you are used to playing ‘drop it like its hot’ as soon as you meet someone, then yes, it may feel like the sex clock is running with your new beau. However, in actuality, we only know at this point what your feelings are for this man. We don’t know what he thinks of you yet because, quite frankly, he could be telling you anything. There hasn’t been time to build any trust, respect, adoration or love.
Not sleeping with someone you just met for two weeks is not considered holding out, queen. What you are doing is called dating. Think of dating as a time to gather data or collect information about someone new for fun or to see if he’s a match.
Are there women who sleep with men immediately and end up married? Of course! Millions. There are also millions of women and men who get to know their partner in other ways before getting physical. Only you can know what’s right for you but if sex is a compulsive behavior, you should find a supportive coach or counselor in your community.
Of course it is your right to choose what to do with your body. Some women may feel comfortable being intimate in a relationship after 8 weeks, others may take 8 months. This is not for anyone else to judge.
You are currently feeling lust and infatuation -- which both feel amazing. Your feel good hormones raging. Good for you -- but why not let him get to know your mind and heart before your body? Optimally, your head, heart and loins have to all be in agreement that someone is the one in order for a relationship to work long-term. This is why my coaching method is called “love-body-spirit.”
I see you in love and lust with the man of your dreams.
Abiola Abrams is the founder of The Bombshell Academy blog, online school and web series over at AbiolaTV. Follow her on Twitter to continue the discussion about this week's hot topic, and then email her your burning questions now. Anything you send will be posted anonymously, promise.