Passionate Living Coach Abiola Abrams gives love, dating and self-esteem advice on the CW's Bill Cunningham Show and all over the web through her hit web series AbiolaTV. Now she wants to help you keep things spicy and fresh between the sheets. Are you in need of an intimacy intervention? Just ask Abiola!
For the past year, sex with my man has become very uncomfortable. Everything was fine for four years then we had a situation happen where I busted him cheating on me – multiple times. I forgave him after six months, but we still can’t our groove back in the bedroom.
Now, I’m very, very, very dry during intercourse. I have tried lubes like Astroglide but that only helps for like a minute. The Sahara Desert is painful, uncomfortable and embarrassing while I’m trying to heal my relationship. I am at my wit’s end.
Are lubricants the only solution? I feel seriously unsexy.
Need Some Rain
My Dearest Rain,
I’m so sorry that you’re experiencing this distress. Birth control, cigarette smoking, certain medications and herbs, immune disorders and douching can all cause vaginal dryness. You also want to avoid personal hygiene sprays, scented soaps and bubble baths.
Personal lubrication comes from the increase in blood flow during the moments when you’re aroused. There are many physiological reasons for vaginal dryness but the source is usually a decrease in estrogen. Hormonal changes caused by pregnancy, changes in your menstrual cycle and breastfeeding may all cause dryness. You didn’t mention your age but intimate dryness is often a symptom during and after menopause and even perimenopause.
There are also psychological reasons for experiencing vaginal dryness – a lack of foreplay, arousal and stress can cause this too. Your real problem may be unresolved issues with your man’s infidelities. Get quiet with yourself to figure out why you are choosing to move ahead with a serial cheater. What kind of love do you feel you deserve?
As for the dryness issue, get thee to a doctor’s office, stat. Your doctor may prescribe vaginal estrogen with a cream, suppositories, tablets or a ring. There are also natural ways to reset your personal ecosystem. For starters, try water, water, and more water. Drink up! Try doubling your daily intake to begin. Another trick is to add healthy fats to your diet. Other natural remedies include ingesting flaxseed oil and applying olive oil topically. Healthy Aging Expert, Dr. Andrew Weil, recommends ingesting chasteberry tea, black cohosh and soy. He also recommends applications of Vitamin E oil, although this may cause irritation for some women. Please note that this does not constitute medical advice. See your own medication practitioner.
I wish you the best of luck with your relationship. Your body is extremely wise. If your brain is saying, this situation is emotionally unsafe your body is not going to feel turned on not matter what you do. You deserve to be fully loved like the queen you are.
Abiola Abrams is the founder of The Bombshell Academy blog, online school and web series over at AbiolaTV. Follow her on Twitter to continue the discussion about this week's hot topic, and then email her your burning questions now. Anything you send will be posted anonymously, promise.