You've seen celebrity clinical psychologist Dr. Sherry Blake, author of The Single Married Woman: True Stories of Why Women Feel All Alone in Their Marriages, keep the Braxton sisters calm on the hit show Braxton Family Values. Now it's your turn to sit in her chair...
Dear Dr. Sherry,
I usually don’t ask for help, but I am just so disgusted with my situation. I’m 60-years-old and I am ready to accept the fact that I may end this life as a single woman. I have dated more than I care to tell you, and although there are still men out there worth dating, they’re all still so immature. Either they want sex immediately and when you say no they don’t call back or you do sleep with them and they still don’t call you back. I know my age is a turn off, but I have lost weight, I dress well and I have my own home and car. I recently earned my Masters Degree too.
I cannot find a man who appreciates what I have to offer. I was married for 20 years and I’ve been divorced for 17. I am not a prude by any means. I have fallen in love a couple of times but they always end up not calling and finding someone else. One man even got married last year, to a younger woman, and is now trying to talk to me again. What am I doing wrong? I love myself the way I am but I can’t seem to find a man who loves me. I am no dummy, but I don’t play cutesy coy catch me if you can games either; I never have. What advice can you give me because I really don’t like what I’m seeing out here in the dating pool!
Still In Search
The good news is that not all men are as immature as the ones you have encountered thus far. I am glad that you realize that you have so much more to offer than just sex. It seems as if the men you are meeting only want sex and that is a problem. Given this, you are doomed to date only those duds unless you make some changes. If you are looking for substance in a relationship, you must look further than sex. I do not think your age is the problem. The problem is more likely related to how you view yourself and being 60. Your age should not be a "turn off" to most mature men. It will be a turn off only if you believe that is the case. You can be fabulous at any age. Being fabulous is more a state of mind than a material status or physical appearance.
If you believe that you deserve more from a man than what you have been receiving, then you must demand more. You may want to start with where and how you are meeting these men. Maybe it is time to broaden your horizons some. Are you open to dating men outside as well as inside your culture group? If you open yourself up to new possibilities, you will meet different types of men in the process.
However, before you consider meeting more men, please take some time to look inward at what may have gone wrong with the men you did meet. Listen to the message you may be sending men. Are you giving off the impression that you’re overly eager for love or “too old” to really be dating? If you are holding on to feelings of being hurt, angry, or disappointed in previous relationships with men, this may show in your attitude when you first meet a man and he can spot those insecurities. That can be a little scary for someone you just meet who doesn’t really know you and all that you’re about.
I suggest you seek some therapy to process your feelings regarding what is really going on with you and your relationships. While you may want to marry again, being single is not the worst thing that can happen to you. You must truly love and accept yourself before expecting others to love you no matter where you are in your life. -- Dr. Sherry
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