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Ask Dr. Sherry: ‘My Husband Won't Have Sex With Me Because He Gained Weight’

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Dr Sherry Profile Two

You've seen celebrity clinical psychologist Dr. Sherry Blake, author of The Single Married Woman: True Stories of Why Women Feel All Alone in Their Marriages, keep the Braxton sisters calm on the hit show Braxton Family Values. Now it's your turn to sit in her chair...

Dr. Sherry,

I need your advice so badly. I've been married to the love of my life for six years and we have two kids together. We've been together since my oldest son was 11 months old. Lately my husband tells me that he is no longer interested in having sex because he has gained a little weight. I keep assuring him that I love him no matter what – whether he’s big or small. I hate to think that he is interested in someone else because we have been through that before. I'm lonely, horny and I need his attention. I love my husband, but I have needs too. So, what do I do now? And, how do I do it? (I’m about to burst!) Thank you ever so much.

Signed,

Anonymous

He’s using gaining a "little weight" as his excuse for not wanting to have sec with you? Really, sis? I find that difficult to believe. I think it would have been easier to buy him not wanting sex if he did what most men do in this case, which is blame the woman for gaining weight. I want to believe that the reason your husband doesn’t want to have sex with you is as simple as he has stated, but the truth is, most men can be as large as an elephant or as small as an ant and still want to have sex as much as possible.

In my experience, a male's size or appearance rarely has anything to do with their desire for sex. Your husband's excuse sounds like bull. Just because he says that he doesn't want to have sex with you, does not mean that he does not want sex. You mentioned that he was interested in another woman once before. Follow your instincts and think long and hard about this one. Unfortunately, it sounds like he just does not want it with you. It makes me sad to tell you this, but what is far more likely is that he is getting sex from somewhere else or having his needs satisfied in other ways. Obviously he is not considering or trying to meet your needs at this time. You have already reassured him that you love him regardless of his size and that you are more than willing and ready to have sex. Most husbands would be smiling 24/7 at the thought of having a wife willing and ready for sex anytime.

I suggest you talk with him and ask what the real problem is. I understand that you love your husband and that you want him to satisfy your sexual needs. You may want to find ways to temporarily satisfy your own needs (think: toys or masturbation). But, while you’re trying to get your sexual needs met in your marriage, you must not ignore your emotional needs. I suggest you seek marital therapy to address the root of these issues now.  Best of luck! – Dr. Sherry

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