You've seen celebrity clinical psychologist Dr. Sherry Blake, author of The Single Married Woman: True Stories of Why Women Feel All Alone in Their Marriages, keep the Braxton sisters calm on the hit show Braxton Family Values. Now it's your turn to sit in her chair...
My boyfriend of four years is adamant about us having a baby right now. He has a child from a previous relationship, but I do not have any children yet. I attend university part time and I’m in my last year of school. I have a full time job but my salary is not enough to support both of us and a child. We live separately so that means already have two sets of bills. Plus, he works as a painter, and his job is inconsistent, so he would be out of work for an extensive period of time if we went there.
We have an accumulated debt of approximately $100K, and three quarters of which is his. I am gravely concerned about having children right now, whereas he is very nonchalant about it. Our financial situation is the number one reason why I am not ready for a child, but he thinks that it is an insignificant issue. I am tired of defending myself and I do not know how else to explain it to him. I suggested that he talk to a good friend of his, but he said that he doesn't need anyone's input in his life.
What should I do?
Dear Ms. In Debt,
Run, and run fast! Are you kidding me? Listen carefully to what you are saying. He wants you to get pregnant, but he has no full time consistent job, he already has one child and he owes at least $75,000.00 in debt. Are you running yet? You are a college student with less than a year to go before you graduate. You have a full time job and you understand the significance of being financially stable. You have already accumulated $25,000 worth of debt since being with your boyfriend. You’re right: He is not concerned with the finances or any other issues right now it seems. That is because he knows you will deal with all the problems.
Do not be surprised if you get stuck paying back all of the money you two owe—especially if your name is on all of it. The mere fact that he would even suggest that you have a child together given his issues at the moment is a clear reflection of his immaturity and poor judgment. Also, there is a serious lack of consideration and respect for you or your feelings going on.
Plus, the fact that he refuses to talk with his friend, or anyone else, about working through his problems suggests that he does not think he has any. (Not good!) He has made it clear that he is not listening to you. If you are dealing with all of this now, can you even imagine the problems you would deal with if you had a baby by him? Again, did you start running yet? Go!
Obviously, he has not heard the saying, “Romance without finance ain't got no chance.” Please do not fall for the idea that if you just love one another, everything will be fine. No, it will not be. Love has nothing to do with it. Love does not pay the bills or feed a child. You must decide how you want to live your life. By going to college, you have already invested in yourself and you deserve more than your boyfriend is presenting. You do not need to defend yourself; you need to be honest with yourself. If that means run, then RUN, RUN, RUN and do not look back! Okay? – Dr. Sherry
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