The summer is the season of new love. There’s something about the natural change in seasons and nature’s vibrancy that is a conduit for romance. The sun is shining, people are in their best shape and find themselves outdoors much more often. But, in the process of discovering a new love you can’t forget about your old friends.
Out of the blue, I got a call last week from one of my sister-friends who I had not spoken with since late April. Being caught up in my own busy life, it had not occurred to me that it had been that long without any communication. And, it wasn’t like us.
During the course of the conversation, she told me that she had met a new man in…you guessed it, late April. She was falling quickly for him and had spent the great majority of her free time with him on dates and traveling together. I was very happy for her until she expressed the real reason for her call. One of our other friends had sent her a long, heartfelt e-mail about the impact her distance had on her and their friendship. In essence, the friend was e-mail breaking up with her because she felt that she’d been mistreated.
It seems a bit childish, but our other friend had some valid points. My sister-friend had left phone calls, text messages and previous e-mails unreturned. She had canceled four out of six friend dates they had planned and, she committed the ultimate friend sin (in my book) – she forgot her birthday. All of this behavior led our other friend to feel devalued and fed up. My sister-friend didn’t know what to do.
The good news is that this situation had an easy fix. I urged her to call our friend, explain what had been going on, sincerely apologize and ask for her forgiveness. Then, she needed to get about the business of planning something special for them to do not only to celebrate her missed birthday, but for them to reconnect. I knew she truly valued her friendship and I believed our other friend knew that too. But, her feelings were hurt and therefore needed to be massaged.
Today, my sister-friend called and said that she’d done what I suggested and our other friend was appreciative of her gesture. They’re doing a girls day and night out this weekend and all seems to be going back to the way it should be. I’m happy that they both were sensible and sensitive to the other woman’s position/point-of-view. Otherwise, it could have gone wrong fast.
Personally, I know how difficult it is to balance the adventure of new love and maintaining friendships at the same time. But, you have to try to do it, because God forbid, if the relationship goes south and you’ve dissed all of your friends for it. At the same time, your real friends will understand the attention a new relationship requires and should be accommodating. Just make sure you don’t totally lose touch with old friends because you’ve found a new love.
Wishing you LOVE & CEASLESS JOY!
Nathan’s book INSPIRATION: Profiles of Black Women Changing Our World is available now.