You've seen celebrity clinical psychologist Dr. Sherry Blake, author of The Single Married Woman: True Stories of Why Women Feel All Alone in Their Marriages, keep the Braxton sisters calm on the hit show Braxton Family Values. Now it's your turn to sit in her chair...
Q: I have been dating someone for a year and we’re expecting a child. I checked his Internet activity and I found out that he has been looking up his ex girlfriend’s Facebook page almost daily since October of last year. There weren't any personal messages exchanged. Was I wrong for snooping? When I confronted him, he got angry, of course. He said that’s what I get for snooping. I wondered why he felt the need to look her up so often. He told me that I shouldn't worry, because he just looked pictures. He said I’m the one he loves. He said I’m the one he wants and willingly spends all his time with. It’s apparent that he wants to make it seem like it's my fault that I looked at his Facebook history. Am I wrong for snooping? Is he wrong for looking his ex up? Is he wrong for not admitting to it before I told him that I actually saw his log with my own eyes? Should I be worried about our relationship? By the way, I'm 6 months pregnant. We're supposed to be starting a life together.
A: If you seek, you shall find. What were you looking for, and why? Regardless of what the answer is, if you look hard enough you will find it. The fact that you “snooped” suggests that you did not trust him from the start and may have been looking for a reason. Now that you have found out that he was looking up his ex, what are you going to do? He could have some unresolved issues with his ex, but the reality is, he is with you. He stated that he was only looking at pictures of his ex and you acknowledged that there were no personal messages exchanged. So, why are you really upset? Just because you are in a relationship that does not mean that you cannot look at pictures of old friends. This sounds like it is more about your insecurities than his issues. It is likely that your pregnancy and hormones are also attributing to some of these feelings and paranoia. You asked if you’re wrong for snooping and if you should be worried about your relationship. The answer is yes, and no, for both questions. Yes, you are wrong if you had no reason to snoop and there was no real reason to mistrust him. If those two are true, you should be worried about your relationship. However, if the answer is no, then you must have had justifications for your behavior. Now that you have snooped and he is questioning why, it is time to sit down with him and have an honest conversation about your feelings and concerns. -- Dr. Sherry
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