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Intimacy Intervention: I Gained Weight and We Haven’t Had Sex In Months

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woman watching weight on scale
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Passionate Living Coach Abiola Abrams gives love, dating and self-esteem advice on the CW's Bill Cunningham Show and all over the web through her hit web series AbiolaTV. Now she wants to help you keep things spicy and fresh between the sheets. Are you in need of an intimacy intervention, like, now? Just ask Abiola!

Dear Abiola,
I’ve been dating this guy for almost 18 months, and I know he’s cheating on me. He says it’s my fault because I gained 25 pounds since we’ve been together. I don’t even want to look in the mirror anymore because I feel so fat and disgusting. We haven’t had sex in a few months.

My boyfriend says he’ll pay for me to get a gastric bypass—just so he can touch me again. I do love him, and I think once I lose the weight we’ll be back to normal. The worst part is the more he stresses me about being too fat, the more I eat. And yes, I used to be a pretty woman.

Should I let him pay for the surgery?

Signed,
Fattie Mc Fattie

Dear Queenie Mc Queen,
First of all, I refuse to call you Fattie. Second of all, I have a quick way for you to lose about 190 pounds—get rid of your so-called boyfriend. You deserve better! The best surgery is to cut this “man” loose. Goddess, when a woman gains that much weight in such a short period of time, she is trying to build a wall around herself. You don’t feel safe in your skin or in your world. It’s time to get physically and emotionally healthy—for you!


I coach women all the time about how to love their bodies. The media will tell you Black women don’t have eating disorders but that’s a lie we all choose to believe. Our disordered eating just often looks different from the mainstream.

Here’s my passionista prescription: You need support and a healthy dose of love, sis. Self love. Your new daily affirmation should be "I am bombshell beautiful and worthy of love." Stand naked in front of a mirror every morning and find five things to praise about your bodacious and beautiful body. Take a daily bubble bath and instead of waiting for him to love up on you, begin to love up on yourself. (Wink!)

Now, get thee to an Overeaters Anonymous meeting ASAP and find a coach or therapist to work with you one-on-one. Stop trying to stuff down the heartbreak with food. Nourish your body with healthier meals. Start walking daily, and let the full you bloom.

If no one has told you today, I love you.

Passionately yours,

Abiola

Abiola Abrams

Abiola Abrams is the founder of The Bombshell Academy blog, online school and web series over at AbiolaTV. Follow her on Twitter to continue the discussion about this week's hot topic, and then email her your burning questions now. Anything you send will be posted anonymously, promise.

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