Personally, I’m someone who has never dated the same person twice. For me, if I break up with you, it’s forever. With that said, after being in a great long term relationship that ended primarily because of timing (in my eyes), I have changed my views a bit about dating someone for the second time. I now believe that it is possible to find love with an ex.
One of my sister-friends and her boyfriend had been dating for three years and then hit a rough patch. She wanted to get married and he didn’t. It caused stress in their relationship, which ultimately led to them breaking up. Both of them moved on rather quickly to new relationships and her ex-boyfriend moved in with another woman. A year passed and I never even considered that they would get back together. Then, a few months ago, we were all at a party and my sister-friend was there with her new boyfriend and her ex was with his new (live-in) girlfriend. They continued to maintain a friendship and everything was going well. The next day, my sister-friend confessed that she’d met up with her ex after the party and they “talked.” It was a weird conversation for me because technically they were both cheating on their current relationships, but I secretly wanted them to get back together.
I asked her whether it was just a tryst or if she truly missed him and she told me a bit of both. Being the mature woman she is, she decided that she needed to really talk to him about it and be honest with her current boyfriend as well. So, they met up and ended up “talking” again. When she relayed the story, I couldn’t help but laugh because it was clear to me that there was something still there. At the very least, a strong physical attraction, which could ultimately be only that, however, it was worth exploring.
Fast-forward many real conversations later they, decided to give it another try. They broke up with their “others” and began to date again. From my sister-friend’s perspective, the second time around was much better than the first. The time and distance had made them realize how much they mean to each other and that they were the right ones. Her boyfriend is now her fiancée and they plan to get married.
It went against everything I believed to be true, but for them, absence did make the heart grow fonder. Their relationship makes me believe in the adage, “Set something free and if it returns it was yours, if not it never was.” My sister-friend and her fiancé were meant to be, and they returned to each other to form a stronger and more solid bond.
Before my sister-friend’s story, I would’ve said going back for seconds is usually a bad idea. But it goes to show you that there are no hard rules in love. So, if you find yourself missing your ex for the right reasons, it could be worth a try because you might find love again with him.
Wishing you love and ceaseless joy! Follow @NathanHWilliams on Twitter.
Nathan’s book INSPIRATION: Profiles of Black Women Changing Our World is available now.
- Red Carpet