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Ask Dr. Sherry: "Is My Marriage Worth Saving?"

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Dr Sherry Profile Two

You've seen celebrity clinical psychologist Dr. Sherry Blake, author of The Single Married Woman: True Stories of Why Women Feel All Alone in Their Marriages, keep the Braxton sisters calm on the hit show Braxton Family Values. Now it's your turn to sit in her chair...

Q: “Hello. I have been married for three years and I am a mother of two beautiful children. My husband has never communicated with me. He is not connected to me emotionally. He has cheated on me also. Just last week, he pawned our wedding rings to pay a bill. Since pawning those rings he has been acting differently. I'm so tired of worrying who calls and texts him at night. I can go on and on. I am the only one trying to fix my marriage. I am so tired of trying by myself. Is this marriage even worth staying in?” -- Anonymous

A:
You question if your marriage is “even worth staying.” My question is: what marriage? It does not sound like you have or ever had a marriage with this man. At best, you may have a roommate. You say he has never communicated with you and is not emotionally connected with you. You go on to say he has cheated on you and receives texts and calls at night. I am sure it’s safe to say that these calls or texts are not related to work or family emergencies. Your husband has made it clear that he is not committed to this marriage. In spite of him being blatantly disrespectful, you have been trying to “fix” your marriage. This must be extremely frustrating and incredibly painful.

I have to question when his behavior began to occur. It is highly likely that your husband had similar behaviors before you two were married. While your husband is disconnected from you and the marriage, your problem is not really about him. I am sorry to say but the problem is really about you. Why do you feel you must accept being in a relationship that does not meet your needs? You cannot change your husband but you can change yourself. You must first decide that you deserve to be treated better. Keep in mind that you have two beautiful children who are watching and modeling after your behavior. I am sure you would want them to have a better relationship than you have with your husband.  I recommend that you seek psychotherapy to get a breakthrough on the emotional barriers that keep you stuck in this unhealthy relationship.

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