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Real Talk: Make Love, Not Murder

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Real Talk: Death By Sex, You Can’t See HIV
Photo Credit: Getty Images

Earlier this week, a Dallas man was arrested for murdering his mistress after she confessed that she was HIV positive. Larry Dunn Jr., who is married with children, met Cicely Bolden, a mother of two, in an Internet chat room and the two began a sexual relationship — unprotected — for about a month before she revealed her status.

Dunn, explained that he did not use a condom because Bolden was fit and attractive, and somehow that translated to her being disease-free. He added that upon hearing Bolden’s revelation his initial intent was to “rough her up,” but then she joked about infecting him at which point Dunn says, “I just went crazy.” He slit her throat, leaving Bolden’s two young children to discover their mother’s body.

Dunn does not yet know if he has been infected, and hasn’t expressed any regret for the murder. “She killed me and that is hard to feel sorry,” he said.

You know who I feel sorry for? Dunn’s family and Bolden’s kids. Two grown folk wanted to act beyond messy and now two sets of children are likely missing a parent. I can’t even imagine what Dunn’s poor wife is dealing with having to lose a husband to a jail cell, explaining to her children why “Daddy’s gone,” and fretting about her own HIV status because her husband wanted to cheat (and without a condom?!).

There’s plenty of blame to go around here. Dunn shouldn’t have been cheating on his wife, much less without a condom. It doesn’t make sense in this day and age to not use one. And Bolden should have told him before they had sex or at the very least insisted on using a condom given that she knew she was HIV positive.

This is a tragic story, but I am glad that it has received so much attention. Hopefully, it will be a wake-up call for people to be up front about their HIV status, to stop ignorantly assuming that healthy-looking people are not infected and implore sexually active people to take the responsibility to get tested with their partners before having sex. At the bare minimum, this story should convince a whole lot of people to practice safe sex every time.  

Demetria L. Lucas is the author of A Belle in Brooklyn: The Go-to Girl for Advice on Living Your Best Single Life (Atria) in stores now. Follow her on Twitter @abelleinbk

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