I had to do a “friend-tervention” with one of my sister-friends a few weeks ago. She was so distraught because another bad relationship had ended. As she lamented on the loss of the relationship, I had to recount for her all of the crazy stuff the guy had done to her. Like Sommore jokes, this dude should have come with a warning label detailing all of his “side effects.”
It then dawned on me that this was a pattern for her. And, there had been plenty of decent guys that had approached her in the past – some that I had introduced to her. However, she consistently was attracted to men that mistreated her. She always found something wrong with the good guys and gravitated toward the deadbeats.
I said to her, “You are worthy of love!” A very simple statement, however, it struck a profound note with my sister-friend who immediately began to cry. It hadn’t occurred to me that the core reason why she continuously allowed herself to be in destructive relationships was because she didn’t feel worthy of love. Somewhere deep down, she felt she deserved to be treated badly.
I could empathize with her because I, too, had suffered from severe insecurity and low self-esteem. As a result, I often allowed myself to get into bad situations because I didn’t think I was worth more. It wasn’t until I began to love myself fully that I stopped inviting destruction into my life.
During our discussion I couldn’t help but think about the countless people who do not consciously believe they are worthy of love. Nothing could be farther from the truth. Love is the most powerful force in the universe and it is our birthright to have it. And there is nothing about love that is destructive or harmful.
With that in mind, it is very easy to decipher between a good and bad relationship. It has helped me to maintain outstanding friendships and relationships. As well, it has pushed me to move on from toxic relationships with people who did not love themselves or me.
God doesn’t want us to be in conflict, which ultimately is the absence of a love in a situation. Instead, love should be at the center of all we do. If you are conscious of it, you know when it is and when it isn’t.
Like my sister-friend, life has led too many us to believe bad information about ourselves. This incorrect thinking leads into situations that are destructive and harmful. But no matter what bad information you’ve believed, one fact will never change and that is, you are worthy of love.
Wishing you love and ceaseless joy! Follow @NathanHWilliams on Twitter.
Nathan’s book INSPIRATION: Profiles of Black Women Changing Our World is available now.