Q: “I really, really was digging this guy, but he has a super busy life and says he doesn't have time to think about dating me (or anyone else). Do I just accept this and do nothing else or send gentle reminders that I'm still interested?” -- Toby
A: If a man tells you that he really doesn’t have time for you or anyone else, believe him! He has been very direct in telling you that he doesn’t have time to think about dating you or anyone else. However, it sounds as if, for whatever reason, you don’t believe him. If you pursue him, you will be forever frustrated in “chasing” a man who appears to be self-absorbed in his own life. As difficult as it may be, and as interested as you appear to be, he really may not be worth it.
Often women build their hopes and dreams on a relationship that “woulda, coulda, shoulda” been as opposed to the reality of their situation. In order to avoid being hurt, I would suggest walking away now. If he decides that he has time for you, he knows where you are and how to find you. He also knows that you’re interested and “gentle reminders” are likely to agitate him at best, and at worst, make you appear desperate. When men think you are desperate, it places you in a vulnerable position wherein they may feel that you will accept anything just to be with them. You definitely deserve more for yourself. Trust me, if you don’t expect more, you will not receive more. I would suggest that you find someone who wants to be in a relationship, and most of all, someone who wants to be in a relationship with you. Otherwise, you may find yourself in a relationship with an emotionally unavailable man who is unable to meet your needs. You deserve much more than that. -- Dr. Sherry