Q: Can a woman give off vibes to deter attention from men? I used to think it was my weight that made men uninterested in me, but I lost quite a bit of it, and I still get zero attention from men. What can I do to catch their eye? – Nicole Brooks
A: Yes, we do give off vibes both verbally and non-verbally. Many times women mistakenly think that it is only their size that prevents them from getting attention from men. However, it is often more of a “mind set” than sheer size that attracts men or pushes them away. Frequently, overweight women tell themselves that they are unattractive, undesirable, and/or uninteresting. These descriptions are often accompanied by thoughts of “no one really wants me” and “I will never find anyone.” Television, movies, and magazines often reinforce these negative thoughts. Rarely do we see overweight women as the “model” or the “leading woman.” It is usually the size 2 or 4 woman that is smiling, attractive, and appearing to be having all the fun. She is also the woman with the attractive male in the picture. Given that these messages are often reinforced from childhood, we grow to believe them. To our surprise, the negative thoughts remain long after we lose the weight because it has become a part of our belief system. So women may work hard to become the size 2 or 4, but mentally they hold on to the thoughts they had when they were a larger size. Physically they may have changed but mentally they have remained the same. That is why it is so important to work on both the physical and mental aspects of your life when making changes.
The issue of weight loss as well as attracting men is really an issue of self-esteem. If you don’t feel good about yourself on the inside, it will show on the outside. Regardless of what size you are, or how you look, you must learn to feel good about who you are. I recommend that you take some time to process your inner feelings and thoughts. I suggest that you do this with a psychologist or a qualified therapist. You should be commended for achieving your goal of losing weight. But remember that it is not just the weight that will attract men or push them away. Therefore, you owe it to yourself to process your feelings and understand what message you are sending to men. Also, this would give you an opportunity to decide what type of man you want to attract. Remember, the choice is ultimately yours. I often tell women that they have the right to choose rather than to be the chosen one. -- Dr. Sherry