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We all know the “right” response to that particular question…but there are so many other things we say that might be outing our honest feelings, our un-PC private thoughts.
Yesterday, I was reading “On Baby Blue Ivy Carter and the Alleged Ugliness of Blackness” on Colorlines. Writer Akiba Solomon also had picked up on a startling trend I noticed in comments about Jay-Z and Beyonce’s new addition: backhanded well-wishes to the couple, hoping that Baby Girl Carter looked more like her mother and less like her father. Solomon equated reading so many negative stories about Baby Blue as “walking among stunted souls who traffic in the idea that the full lips, large eyes, broad nose and dark brown skin of a Jay-Z is inherently ugly.”
Let’s admit it: A lot of us are bamboozled, led astray, and just plain brainwashed when it comes to what traits we find attractive on Black people. It’s no accident that the Black women whose beauty we fawn over — the Beyonces and Rihannas and Halle Berrys — all happen to be on the lighter end of the Black color spectrum. It’s no secret that we as a people equate lightness with beauty. Ask any woman who failed the brown paper bag test, who grew up hearing she was “pretty for a dark girl” – as if to be both is some sort of inherent contradiction, and she just happened to strike gold. But the color issue is just scratching the surface.
If some of us are very honest, we’ll acknowledge that there are only certain “Black” physical features that we as a collective find attractive. Curves? A blessing and curse. Full lips? Eh… depends on how full. Broad nose? On women, not at all. On men? Some get a pass, but not Jay-Z. Kinky hair? Not so much. There’s a reason most Black women “prefer” perms and even a lot of natural girls spend an inordinate amount of time and product trying to reconfigure their coils into curls.
Granted, there’s good reason for all this. We’ve heard negative messages about our looks since slavery, and we’ve passed down the destruction through generations. It comes from grandmothers who told us to “stay out of the sun!”, mothers who may have urged us to consider a man’s hair or complexion to assess his worth as a partner, aunties who discouraged us from wearing our hair naturally. And we live in a culture where we are bombarded with images that practically scream white is somehow more right, more beautiful, mo' better.
Our history is what it is, but where does the ignorance finally stop? Each time we repeat what’s been ingrained in us, we spread our self-hate just a little bit further, embed it deeper in ourselves, and guarantee it will be instilled in generations to come. We'll never do better if we don't actually, well, do better.
Demetria L. Lucas is the author of “A Belle in Brooklyn: The Go-to Girl for Advice on Living Your Best Single Life” (Atria) in stores now. Follow her on Twitter @abelleinbk
I believe that black folks take things too personal when it comes up to the "Shades of Black"...chill out people! It is what it is!
Posted 7 hours ago by Adrianna.
Posted 11 days ago by AllPeople (AP) GiftsA FEW THOUGHTS ON THIS TOPIC:
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No. Not all black is beautiful, sorry. Just like not all white is beautiful. Sarah Jessica Parker looks like a foot and Jennifer Aniston looks like a horse, ok? If a person is not necessarily attractive, it's just what it is, no matter what skin tone. Imagine Jay-Z with a wig. Mm yeah. Not cute.
Posted 16 days ago by NicoleTo answer your question, yes, black really is beautiful. I can say honestly that the most striking people I've seen walking the streets were black people. It's our flavors, tones and textures that make us stand out. I'm not just saying this because I like all things Nubian but because it's true. As for baby Blue, her daddy is a talented, gifted and brilliant man. What he is not is easy on the eyes. That has nothing to do with complexion (Jigga is still pretty light to me) or the texture of his hair (sadly he has been rocking what looks like a S-Curl lately) and everything to do with the fact that he's no Denzel. I'm on the "I hope the baby looks like Beyonce bandwagon."
With two high-profile parents Baby Blue will have the world constantly in her face. It will help her and us both if that face isn't homely. Not being mean. Just saying.
the Super Sistah
Posted 20 days ago by the Super Sistahwww.thesupersistah.com
Just because people hope bey's baby comes out like her doesn't necessarily point to Black hate. IF Khloe Kardashian and Brad Pitt had a baby, or Halle Berry and Tori Spelling or Zoe Saldana and Lyle Lovett, we and people both White and Black would be saying the same thing. Just because JayZ is Black doesn't mean he's exempt from ugly. Or exempt from ri***ule. Whites get it. Asians get it. And both races like all others, have some ugly variations in their features. And yes I agree jayz is enourmously successful and wealthy and there are better things to talk about but this is apparently also worthy of discussion. And no none of that changes the fact that well, he is ugly. But then so is Oprah on the ugly side. And Khloe Kardashian and Lyle Lovett and Fergie and Donatella Versace (omg hideous!)
Posted 24 days ago by ShaylaIt makes me a little sad that this is a question. It is asked because of ignorant bloggers write about a innocent baby. Beauty comes in all shapes, sizes, and races.Essence I really expected more from your magazine, a magazine who taught us to embrace ourselves no matter what. Please do not continue to follow other trash magazines, and media outlet when it comes to putting negative energy around Blue Ivy, she's an innocent baby.
Posted 30 days ago by khandiI'm wondering if there is anyway possible that we can focus more on the accomplishments, philanthropy and core of the man?? Jay-Z is a lyrical and business genius. He's catapulted himself from being a drug dealer in the projects to a multi-platinum rap artist to a bonafide business man. I once read an article in which he said "love is more inspiring than rap" and that was his reason for retiring. He built a strong friendship, then a relationship with the woman of his dreams. He made her his wife, THEN planted his seed. His music matured as he did, over the years. Beyonce, one of most beautiful women in Hollywood chose him as her mate. I'm sure she could have hand picked almost anyone.
All of these things make Jay one of the sexiest men alive! To quote him, "used to tell they friends I was ugly and wouldn't touch me, then I showed up in that dubbed out buggy, then they got fuzzy, they don't remember that and I don't remember you!"
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Posted 30 days ago by DianemarieWelnerThe color conversation will continue to exist. We have to address the psychology behind it in our community and also understand that people will have their preferences. Some people don't favor "ethnic" features, some do. We have to come to terms with the beauty of diversity. In terms of Blue Ivy, shouldn't we be concerned that she is healthy, happy and surrounded by love. Who cares what she looks like? With all the money flowing in her family, does it really matter how she looks? Plastic surgery does exist and several people use it. Her self-worth can't come from what she sees in the mirror...it can't be superficial. More importantly, we have to create ideals of beauty within our own community and not expect it to come from without. We can't battle internally and expect society to not take note of it?
We have to continue to explore this topic and hope that progress can embedded into the psyche of our future generations.
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Posted 30 days ago by MochaBelleJay-Z is not a dark-skinned black man; therefore, the article above is not valid. Gabrielle Union, Nia Long, Angela B***et, Kelly Rowland, Kerri Washington, to name a few, are beautiful black women.
Jay-Z is not an attractive man, so yes I do hope Blue Ivy Carter looks more like her mama, who is a beautiful black woman. Can you see Jay-Z with long-hair and breast. OMG!
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Posted 32 days ago by marcy1st of all Jay-Z is NOT "dark skinned" Tyrese, Wesley Snipes, Michael Jordan those men are dark skinned black men
2nd, IMHO, Jay-Z is unattractive and I never thought he was cute
Tyrese is sexy and fine and so is Boris Kodjoe and Shemar Moore, Tyson Beckford and Morris Chestnut are FINE too
Jay-Z? not so much....thats just my opinion
Does Beyonce look WAAAYYYYY better than her husband? yes in my opinion
if Jay-Z were married to supermodel Naomi Campbell (who is a dark skinned black woman) i wud say the same thing that his wife looks better than him so it has nothing to do with skin color
Posted 33 days ago by Shayi am so tired of people using the wrong word (perm) to describe a RELAXER that's incorrect terminology! a perm is a chemical treatment that changes straight hair into curly hair in other words what white women use to transform their naturally straight hair into those Sarah Jessica Parker style curls and waves
a RELAXER is a chemical treatment that changes naturally curly hair into straight hair by relaxing the hair's natural curl pattern and it is not, has never been and never will be a perm
a relaxer straightens your hair (used by women who have naturally curly hair)
a perm makes your hair very curly (used by women who have naturally straight hair)
i am not even a hair stylist and i know this
get the facts straight or remain silent next time please
a relaxer is NOT a perm it is the exact opposite of a perm
Posted 33 days ago by SherronHopefully people will undertand the sttement I am about to make:Black people must reclaim their Soul and purge their Spirit to fuly understand and appreciate their inate beauty. When they are possessed with the caucasian spirit and if their soul is forfeited then they would look out of the prism of their eyes but the spirit of the caucasian. see pyramidoftruth
Posted 33 days ago by Kemwer