After college best friends Natasha Burton and Meagan McCrary spent one too many nights swapping tales of bad dates and hookups, they figured out a way to help themselves, and other women. What if there was a little black book of relationship red flags, they thought aloud. The ideas for their first book was born, and to gather their materials, they started a blog devoted to letting women share tales of missed signs and signals. Their friend Julie Fishman helped them track down stories from women all over the country and three ladies proudly put together “The Little Black Book of Big Red Flags”, a new relationship book that single women can’t wait to get their hands on. It’s is dedicated to all the “red flag-ridden bad date, lame hook ups, and terrible boyfriends” they ever encountered. The book is filled with cautionary tales – some funny, some not so – that should be required reading for all the single women who are over Mr. Right Now, and ready for Mr. Right. We caught up with Natasha to find out which are the hardest to spot or accept, to help you stay on the lookout. Ladies, listen up, there are the most overlooked relationship red flags out there.
“It doesn’t matter how many dates you’ve been on, how many times you’ve slept together, or if he bought you flowers on your birthday, if you haven’t had “the talk” you’re not his girlfriend. Men will tend to go along and have a great time and you think everything’s fine, then he’s expected to do something a boyfriend would do and he pulls the ‘whoa I never said it was your boyfriend’ card. It’s an unexpected red flag because a lot of women don’t want to be the one to start the talk, but it’s really just a ticking clock until somebody does it. You might as well ask what are we? And if he can’t answer, then you’ve gotta go. If you want a relationship and you’re not getting one, there’s no reason to stay.” If You Ignore It: “You’re going to wake up and be hurt because you were never in a relationship. It’s never going to go anywhere.”
“If someone is starting a fight with you and your guy doesn’t stand up for you that’s a pretty obvious red flag.Sometimes guys will point little things out in public. We had a girl once who would say “uh-huh” instead of “yes” and her boyfriend would always correct her. You might think, oh he’s trying to help me, or he just wants to make my grammar better, but these little tiny corrections indicate that he’s a completely inconsiderate, control freak, who doesn’t have your back. You may not pick up on it at first. You may look at it like, oh, he’s just trying to help me, but he’s not. He’s trying to change you and tell you that his way is better. If You Ignore It: “You’re gonna be in a relationship where you feel really insecure, because you’re going to trust his opinion and his way more than yours. If he’s constantly trying to correct you, in your mind you’ll think there’s something wrong with you and something needs to be fixed.”
“If he has a lot of female friends, once you’re in a relationship he needs to distance himself from them. It shows that he appreciates you and that you’re number one in his life. When you’re in a relationship you become each other’s number ones. He shouldn’t be in a relationship if he doesn’t want one. If a woman is writing on his wall and saying things like, ‘I miss you’ or ‘I haven’t seen you in a while,’ sometimes women interpret this the wrong way. We tend to get jealous and angry at the woman who is doing this, but we really need to confront the man and put blame on him. Women may see him in their feed and reach out, but it’s really a bad sign if he’s not showing them that he’s in a relationship – even if it means he has to change his status. It doesn’t mean that he’s cheating if he does this; it just means he’s not focused on making sure you feel like his number one.If You Ignore It: “You’ll just keep attacking him with jealousy and he’ll wind up siding with the girls who are on his wall instead of listening to how you feel and what you have to say. “
“It’s not that guys shouldn’t be close to their mother, but if her way of doing things eats into your relationship there’s a problem. If he constantly says things like “well, my mom says” or “my mom would always say to” you’re in big trouble. If You Ignore It: “Momma’s words will just keep appearing in your relationship, and probably start to drive you crazy.”
“A guy’s family can be a red flag. We’re not saying you can’t date a guy whose family you don’t get along with or like, but if you’re thinking about marrying him you have to take his family into account. They’re going to be the aunts, uncles, and grandparents of your children. If his family isn’t treating you like you're one of them and you’re serious about this guy, something might be wrong. It could be that you’re at a family function or holiday and you buy gifts for his parents and sisters but they get nothing for you. It’s not that the gift should be elaborate, but they’re showing that they’re not including you, or he hasn’t shown them how important you are to him.” If You Ignore It: “You have to ask yourself if you want people you don’t like to be around you long term. “
If your guys has said this make sure that you believe it, and you don’t assume that you can change him or make him see. If he’s telling you upfront that he doesn’t want to get married, he’s probably pretty sure that he doesn’t. He should treat you like his wife before you are. That’s a good signs that he wants to marry you and he’s somebody you would want to marry. If You Ignore It: That wedding you’ve been dreaming of may not happen. If you’re in a relationship and you’re expecting it to evolve into marriage and it doesn’t you have a problem. Women get stuck in wanting to get married. Be cognizant of who you’re with and whether or not they’ll really make a good husband. If he’s still trying to live a single lifestyle he’s not there yet.