In order to find your perfect match you have to know what your perfect match looks like. Do you? Okay, I realize 99.9% of you just said Idris Elba, but I’m talking about more than just tall, dark, and handsome. If I set you up on a date, how would you determine if he is right or wrong for you? Would you base it on how many hobbies you both share? Would it be predicated on if you feel comfortable with him? Or would it rest on whether your astrological signs are compatible? I’ve heard and read about literally 1000s of “match characteristics.” Some are much more accurate than others.From my years of matchmaking and coaching, I’ve witnessed four categories of compatibility that standout as most important. So much so, that I feel if you can answer yes to the following four questions (and add chemistry), you just might have your perfect match!
Many have disagreed with me on this point but I consider attraction to be a non-starter. In other words, if you’re not physically attracted to the person, don’t pursue the relationship. Sure, on a rare occasion you may grow to become attracted to a person you originally were not…just like on a rare occasion people win the lottery…but chances are you ain’t winning the lottery. Attraction is where it begins.
Let me underscore that values are different from interests. A shared interest is say, both liking Miguel’s “All I Want Is You” album. A value, on the other hand, is that we share a passion for creativity – see the distinction. Values are your guiding principles, like your book of life rules. The key to this question is knowing not only what your values are, but also how you can determine if someone possesses them. I can tell you that I have a passion for creativity but you should be able to observe it in my life to truly know I value it.
Carl Jung is the Godfather of personality types. He originally identified 4 areas that we all fall under (some of us share multiple types but we all have one dominant area): A) Analyst (likes to feel intelligent). B) Controller (likes to feel powerful). C) Supporter (likes to feel valued). D) Promoter (likes to feel important). The key to understanding compatibility is to simply know which personality type you are. We are most compatible with types other than our own.
Have you read “The 5 Love Languages” by Dr. Gary Chapman? If not, and you are (or plan to be) in a relationship, I suggest it be your next iBooks download. I didn’t read the book until several years into my marriage and it still made an impact. When in a relationship, it is important to know that you are loved, however, if you don’t understand the language they are loving you in, you may never know it. Know your love language and the language of your loved ones. You can take a free Love Language assessement here.
Please share this list with friends and be sure to add in the comments section. If you have further questions for me. I can be contacted on twitter at @PaulCBrunson on facebook.com/PaulBrunson or online at www.onedegreefrom.me.