"10 Dates...in one month...are you crazy Paul? That's six more dates than I went on all of last year!" That was the initial response of one of 20 ladies I recently completed a 30-day experiment with. The results of the one-month exercise was compelling. So much so, that I'm publicly challenging my readers to participate. Here's the challenge: In the month of July, I challenge you to ask and go out on at least 10 dates with 10 different men. Yes, you read that correctly, you (the woman) must initiate and ask 10 men on dates. If you do, I predict, your dating life will change, possibly forever.
Now keep in mind, this challenge is not for everyone. If you are tired of dating or at all distraught with the courting process, I actually suggest doing the opposite and take a dating sabbatical. This challenge is for the bold, the brazen, for the ladies ready to make a summer blitz! Here are 9 reasons to ask 10 men on a date this summer.
This is a key data point that many people do not know. In nearly every survey taken on dating sites, magazines, and blogs, when men are asked "would you be open to a woman approaching you/asking you on a date” the majority of men say "yes." A matter of fact, in several studies conducted by various anthropologists, it's been shown that not only do men like being asked out, but when men are asked out by women who are complete strangers, the answer is still yes (nearly 50% of the time). I realize this theory goes against every old school dating rule…but let's face it...the rules of dating have changed.
A common response of reluctance I got early on from the ladies in the experiment was, "if I ask the man out, won't that ruin the chase...men like to chase don't they." So, the answer to the latter is yes, men like to chase, generally. However, the chase begins at different points. I argue that for many men, the chase actually begins the moment they realize they're truly attracted to you. For many men, that happens on the first date, not before. Think of it this way, when you ask a man out, the chase begins on your whistle.
When I tweeted about this challenge, I received over 50 responses asking one simple question, "If I ask a man on a first date, do I have to pay?" That one question deserves a separate article (expect that coming soon) but let me address this now by simply saying, your first date should be very simple. The first date should be free or at a nominal cost. So at most that means two frappachinos.
When I challenge you to ask out 10 men, I'm assuming that 5 or more will deny the invitation. Anticipating this rejection and asking anyway is a quality not possessed by many. The ability to look failure in the eye and proceed anyway is the hallmark of confidence. Confidence is developed in many ways but one sure strategy is in the management of expectations and risk. (Knowing what you are going to experience.) Which is why one of my favorite quotes of all time is: "Fail fast to succeed faster."
Typically, the more socially adept you are, the better dater you are perceived to be. The inverse of this is also true, the more socially awkward you are, the weaker on the dating scene you're viewed to be. So how do you become more socially skilled, how do you become a better dater? The same way you become better at anything...practice! Yes, the more dates you go on, the better dater you will become.
So, a former career of mine was the pinstripe suit life of investment banking. (For the record, I didn't enjoy it, and would have had more fun cleaning urinals at an outdoor Waka Flocka concert) I did, however, learn a great deal about investing, which I believe to be very similar to approaching love. Whenever we presented an investment opportunity, we were asked to show "comparables." Comparables allowed the investor to see a side-by-side comparison of similar investments, in order to identify the best place to invest. Dating multiple people affords you the same opportunity.
I'll never forget the feeling of emptiness I felt professionally just a few years ago. I then had a life changing conversation with a good friend that told me very simply, "if you want different results in your life, you have to do things differently." My embracing of that comment ultimately led to my current career as a Matchmaker (the happiest and most fulfilled I've ever been professionally). Many may balk at the thought of asking out 10 men, but if you are not pleased with the current results of your dating life, when are you going to do things differently?
In late May of this year, I reached out to a few dozen women on my mailing list, in search for those that go on less than 5 dates per year. I then identified 20 ladies from that list, the commonality is that they were all ready for a "drastic" change in their dating life. I presented each with the challenge and in the month of June, they executed. On average, the women when on dates with 4 (of the 10) men. I was very impressed. Even though this acceptance rate was slightly below the percentage I originally projected, the ladies in the experiment were very pleased to go on so many dates. Keep in mind, for all, 4 dates was nearly equivalent to what they go on in one year. Additionally, the women reported a boost in confidence and outlook on dating. It works!
So, I'm serious about this being a challenge. Here's what you have to do to officially enter: Go to the OneDegreeFromMe Facebook page fb.com/OneDegreeFromMe) and post on the wall stating "I take the July challenge." Then, identify and ask the 10 men and go on dates. The final step is to inbox me directly (fb.com/PaulBrunson) with an overview of your process & results, including (why you took the challenge, who the 10 men you asked were, and the results (how many dates, did your social skills increase, confidence boost, etc)). If, I'm wrong about this exercise "not changing your dating life for the better," I commit to a 30-minute free one-on-one consultation with you via phone or Skype. However, if I'm correct in this exercise changing your dating life for the better, you'll owe me the right to publish your story. So, are you up for a challenge?
If you have any questions about the challenge, need suggestions on "how to identify 10 men," or anything else, contact me directly at fb.com/PaulBrunson, at fb.com/OneDegreeFromMe, on twitter @PaulCBrunson, or direct via www.onedegreefrom.me.