What do you think the #1 question is that I’m asked by women? Well, to get you warmed up, I’ll give you the Top 9, first:- Are you really a matchmaker…like, do you do this full-time?-Are you the only black matchmaker in the world?– Was the movie Hitch made after you?– Are there any good men left, who aren’t on the DL?–How do I approach a man?- Are you married?- Is your wife white?– Where is the best place to find a man?– How much does matchmaking cost?[page break] drum roll…and the number 1 question I’m asked by women is…– How do I find Mr. Right?(Note: To find out answers to questions 2-10, drop a line at my website and I’ll respond www.onedegreefrom.me) The question of “How do I find Mr. Right” deserves much more than a blog post. It’s really a book worthy topic. As a matter of fact, a quick Google search on the theme turned up over 100 book titles. That said, I thought long and hard about the most critical steps and here are 8 suggestions about what you can do today to find Mr. Right:
It’s very common for the “old flame” to occupy your thoughts after you break up. However, it’s not healthy to allow an Ex to continue to occupy your time or your heart. Your love, kindness, energy and devotion should be reserved for the NEW person…the person worthy of receiving them. Sometimes the best memories are the ones you have to lose.Action: Delete the contact information of your Ex and make a promise to yourself in writing that you will no longer communicate or receive calls from them. Be sure to document why they lost your love. Whenever you have the urge to contact them again (or they call you), be sure to re-read the note. (Note: If you share a child with your Ex, this step becomes more complicated but there are still many ways you can shut-down romantic communication. If you have questions on this, contact me.)
Mentoring is a concept we all agree is important and impactful. It’s commonplace in education, in business, and in general life skills. So, why not apply it to your love life? My wife and I have had love mentorship going back 11 years to our wedding preparation and I can tell you it’s been invaluable. A love mentor will be an objective voice to help you develop into a better dater and committed partner. Action: To identify a love mentor from your current social circle: write a list of 10 people you know who have a healthy committed relationship. From that list, determine who shares your values. Contact those most aligned and find out who is willing to spend 30-60 minutes with you periodically to talk about relationships.
This is a critical step. If you don’t know who you are you can’t know what you need. I consider your relationship vitals to be your values and your non-starters (these are your deal-breakers. Things that would negatively impact your health or life goals). Once both are determined, use them as a tool to help identify men who are most compatible with you. Ideally, Mr. Right should share most of your values (especially your higher ranked items) and he should also meet your non-starters, completely. Action: Create a list of your top 10 values in order of priority. Then, think about your life vision and write down items that would be counter to that (this will form your non-starter list).
The web is the most efficient platform to meet people. While the online world is filled with what feels like an unusually high amount of crazies and criminals, good people do exist on the internet, too. What’s important to remember is that while 1/3 of singles are using an online dating site, virtually 100% of singles use a social network of some sort. I highly recommend considering social networks as ‘dating tools’ not just because they are widely used, but because I find it compelling that these users don’t hide behind avatars (they typically reveal their true identity). Additionally, I find the social network user to be more forthcoming than the typical dating site user. I have clients that are very successful using Facebook, Twitter, and even niche sites like Yelp. Action: Select a favorite social network and use it just like you would use an online dating site.Yes…I’m serious. So let’s say you select Yelp (one of my favorite “on the low” sites to connect people). Create a profile and start interacting with people. Sure you don’t know if someone is in a committed relationship or single but that information will unveil itself in communication. I personally know and have heard stories of 100s of people who have met through a social network and became romantically involved.
The bottom line is that our photo is our representative. I estimate 90% of the decision to check out an online profile (whether on a dating site or social network) is based on the photo. Your photo is one area you can’t half step on when in the market for a man…but many ladies do. I’m sooooo tired of seeing photos taken in the bathroom, throwing up a peace sign at the club, or the notorious over the shoulder booty shot…if you are doing any of these things in your photo, NO ONE will take you seriously. Action: Thick skin is needed for this task. Ask 3 men to give you an honest opinion about your photo. The question is whether or not your photo would spark their interest enough to check out your profile. If they say yes, you probably have a compelling photo. If they say no, it might be time to change it. If you don’t have 3 gentleman to give you an opinion, friend me up on facebook and I’ll give you my thoughts (fb.com/PaulBrunson).
Dating is really about communicating. Over 60% of communication is non-verbal. An ability to interpret Body Language is the strongest tool you can possess in dating.For example, by the direction a person’s belly button is facing, you can determine their level of interest.This is also known as the BBR or the Belly Button Rule. So, if a guy you’re engaging with is directly pointing his belly button at you (there are a lot of jokes we could insert here, but let’s keep it clean!), chances are he’s interested. Master body language and you’ll master the art of communication. Action:Start your journey in becoming well-versed in body language by investing in a book or a course on body language today.If you’re interested in the course I personally instruct on body language, learn more here: http://mdmcoachingseries.eventbrite.com/
So this one is my BIG challenge to you. The key word in the title of this post is what you can do “today.” Everything I’ve listed thus far is effective, but this is the step that will get you the most bang! Why? Because the probability of you being approached in public diminishes by the number of people in your group. Therefore, to have the best odds of being approached, it’s best to be solo! Not only does going out alone help with being approached, there is an even more powerful benefit. Those who go out alone can attest there is a sense of freedom and independence that results…and from my observation this creates a level of confidence that is undeniably sexy. Action: Identify a popular restaurant in your city and go to it alone. Sit at the bar, and have dinner or a drink. Whoever is around, whether it’s someone you’re romantically interested in or not, strike up a conversation with them! Even if you leave without sharing your contact information, you’ll have grown in confidence and will most likely have had fun.
Be sure to connect with me at fb.com/PaulBrunson fb.com/OneDegreeFromMe and twitter @PaulCBrunson if you have any questions or further comments..