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Plus Size Model in the City: Sunshine on New Year's Eve...

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Happy New Year! Thank God for new beginnings, new days and due overs...and for failures. PAUSE ~ I was watching Jay-Z on Oprah Presents... Maters Class.  I LOVE Jay. Anyway, he said that he isn't sure that we can learn from success. He said we definitely learn from failures, but learning from success...he's not figured that out yet. That stuck with me. So simple and so true. PLAY ~ So, yes, two days into the new year, in addition to being thankful for another day, I am thankful for the things that did not go according to plan last year. I've learned some very valuable lessons. Some more painful than others, but lessons nonetheless.

 

I was anxious for the New Year to hit; out with the old please! But I was nervous about the actual transition; I mean New Year's Eve.  People get all sentimental and reflective and emotional on New Years Eve and I've been doing THAT for the last couple of months. I did not want to think of the negative or try and fake the funk and be overly happy. I just wanted to be. At first, I was going to sleep through the "ball dropping". I figured if I wanted peace of mind, sleeping was a good way to go. Before heading home after a full day at the salon, I decided to stop by my cousin's house. She is also my stylist and I had a few accessory ideas (for a New Years Day party I was attending) on which I wanted her expertise. When I walked in, my aunt was banging the pots together (cooking) and the fam was there as well relaxing and talking mess (as usual!). Gotta love the family! Anyway, called mom and asked her to come over. She declined. So, I stayed and called mommy back at 11:58. We stayed on the phone until midnight. Happy New Year! A silent prayer of thanks and hugs all around. An easy start to a WONDERFUL year...

 

He sent a text a few hours before the ball dropped. And I made a joke about meeting on a corner near my cousin's house to say Happy New Year in person. Imagine my surprise when I received a text at 12:15 am..."I'm outside." A quick glance in the mirror a little lip gloss and I hit the door. "You leaving?" Asked my uncle. "Nope just going outside for a minute."

 

It's been well over a year since we last saw each other. Almost two. I couldn't help but smile as I walked toward him. We both chuckled and I know him well enough to know that he was little nervous. "You look great, PSM." PAUSE ~ I had on rain boots, leggings, a long sweater, a down coat, freshly washed hair bouncing in the crisp wind, no makeup and a hint of lip gloss. I've definitely had better days! I mean, I'm always cute, but I was coming from a day at the salon! The point is A) always look halfway decent no matter where you're going and B) when a man loves you he sees beauty in you regardless and C) when you feel good you look better! He always made me feel beautiful. He used to look at me like there was nothing or no one better. And he mentioned more than once that I was too good for him. At the time, he was right. Ladies, if a man tells you that he doesn't deserve you and he doesn't follow that by saying, "But I'm going to do everything I can to keep you." and then really do it, leave his ass alone. Truth is he doesn't deserve you and he's trying to drop a effing hint! Take it and run!" PLAY ~ "Sunshine!" I threw my arms around his neck and gave him a big hug.  PAUSE ~ If I was a small girl, I would have jumped up and wrapped my legs around him.  I was just so happy to see him. PLAY ~ "You wanna walk?" he asked. 

 

We walked. We talked. We laughed. We were silent. We thought. We reminisced on what we had. We stopped and caught each others eye a time a two. We were present.  And like old times nothing else in the world mattered, but what was happening between us at that very moment. We connected. We loved. We always did... from the day we fell in love... and we always will. When we finally made it back to our starting point we stood outside for a little longer. Talking to each other, but wondering to ourselves. "Thank you, Sunshine. I was nervous about this New Year's Eve.  I didn't know how I was going to feel or where my mind was going to take me.  This was a great New Year's Eve. Thanks for coming to see me."  He walked me to the door and we hugged and said goodbye...

 

Yes, I'm sure your wondering who the hell is Sunshine?!?!? That's another entry!

 

Well, here we go! It's a new year, people.  Remember, God builds the highway and we just drive the car... Never know where the road will lead you...

 

Excited about tomorrows blessings!

 

XO ~

 

PSM

 

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