Sunday, December 19, 2010 | 05:26 AM
Plus Size Model in the City: What's the Matter?
Today was a great day because God woke me up and gave me the courage to get out of bed and face the world another day... And even with that I found myself fighting back tears more than once. There's a sadness that follows me these days. There is a disappointment that keeps me consciously aching... (I wonder if conscious aching is less painful than not knowing. They say ignorance is bliss, but what's the bright side of that? There's no reconciliation; no resolution; no way to better the situation... if you don't know it's wrong.) For the first time in my life I trusted someone. Truly. At first, I thought he was crazy; nobody could be that sure of someone else; of me. But he was certain we were destine for forever. Maybe he was sure of me, but with time he became unsure of himself? I don't know and I'm not going to sit around and attempt to figure it out. My heart is broken. I thought I was almost done; thought I'd picked up all the pieces and all I had to do was put it back together. But I keep stepping on little fragments. This puzzle is more difficult than I thought. My mother knows me so well. I stopped by her house for two minutes. "What's the matter?" She said. I looked at her and my gaze said, "Nothing new; the same thing that's been wrong. My heart, my trust, my pride, me... I am broken. And it's taking longer than I thought to put myself back together." And with that stare, I just turned walked out the door and drove home. I don't feel sorry for myself. I just hate to see anyone hurt so deeply... Especially me. For more blog entries by Plus Size Model, click here.