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Commentary: How to Ask a Guy Out on a Date

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In 2010 it may be necessary on occasion for a woman to be a little bit more aggressive and ask a man out on a date. I am not suggesting that a woman should pursue a man. I still believe that the man should court the woman. Okay? We good? Women, all you have to do is let the man know that you are interested and available. That's all I am saying. If you can make sure the man knows that you are interested and available, without offering to take him out for a slice of cake, then more power to you. Today I am going to define what types of dates a woman should take a man out on, and provide you with some tips to consider when you contemplate asking a man for a date. TIP #1: Identify your match. Everyone should have or develop an idea of the type of person that they attract. If you see a guy who reminds you of an old boyfriend, maybe you will remind him of the new girlfriend that he has been dreaming about for the past few years! Matches are not initially perfect. A perfect match takes skill. Identifying your match could be something as simple as knowing yourself. If you are always at the library, one day you will meet a guy that is always at the library also (or maybe you will be out at the club and meet a librarian). To women who are having problems meeting men, I am going to tell you where all the single men are -- where there are no women. Okay, maybe one or two women are there for every fifteen single men. Can you guess this location? It's the gym! Single men are at the gym! Go there. Ask them to spot you and help you lift the really, really heavy weights. Ask them about weight training. Ask them about dieting. It doesn't matter if you already know the answers to the questions. You are not asking the question for the answer anyway. It is called flirting. It is an ice breaker. TIP #2: Have a plan. I came up with something for women called "light dating." It's not a big deal to ask a guy out for dessert is it? Reserve dinner for his invitation. Light dating is about not spending a lot of money on a guy that you may not go out with again. Light dating is defined as a friendly date. A get-to-know-you date. Not a nighttime date. Not a "I might want to have sex with you date." Not a movie. Not the club. Some place where you can talk. Some place where you can get to know a guy. You can take a guy to the museum, the aquarium or out to get some ice cream. Go out sometime during the day. If you ask him out for a drink, make it early (5 p.m. to 6:30 p.m.).  TIP #3: If you want something, you have to ask for it. A man won't knock on your door and ask you to marry him. If you want to get married, you have to date more. If you want to date more, you may have to ask a man out occasionally. If you are rushing through the grocery store and you see an attractive guy, he won't approach you because you are rushing. It's 2010. Be a big girl and go over and say, "Would you be interested in having a cup of coffee with me?" TIP #4: Be confident and assertive. Confidence is attractive to everyone. There is a certain amount of respect a person pays to another person who is assertive. Your assertiveness will set the tone for the potential journey. Scratch that. Let me keep it real and say it like this: there is not a woman on earth who is more sexy than a confident, assertive woman. I know you're afraid of being rejected. So what?! Men face rejection every day. When I was single, I would sometimes get rejected by women who I knew weren't good enough for me. All of us have done something that we were not supposed to be doing in our dating lives. If you follow these four dating tips, I promise that he is going to say yes. He will say yes, that he will go out with you or yes, he is riding his bike to Mars. The biggest problem with dating right now is that women are so focused on marriage, they are not good at dating. Many women are sitting around wondering when they're getting married instead of coming up with creative "light dates." At least once a week I have to say to a woman, "Your relationship will get back on track when you guys get back to having fun. The more you talk about getting married, the more stress the both of you feel. Go do something fun together." Steven James Dixon is the author of the sure-fire conversation starter "Men Don't Heal, We Ho: A Book About the Emotional Instability of Men." Read more advice from SJD at The Relationship Report. His book is available at StevenJamesDixon.com.
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