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Balancing Act: I'm Not Ready for Kids

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I have many titles. I'm a loving wife and have been in a healthy, fun marriage for eight years. I'm a self-published author ("Shaken and Stirred") who pursued her passion for writing sans help from a big company. I'm also a small business owner (Savvy Food Marketing, a gourmet food marketing firm). I'm always being called on, but the name is ever-changing. Sometimes it's "honey or babe," other times it's "Mrs. Black," and at times it's "boss." There is one thing I've never been called: mom. I like it that way... at least for now... I've been married for eight years -- my significant other is ready for kids; I'm not. We have a great relationship and the thing I appreciate most is his willingness to communicate... and boy does he ever about this topic. I completely understand his reasoning. He's 37, in a loving marriage and is ready to take things to the next level. And let's not forget the peer pressure. All of our friends and relatives of comparable age and socio-economic position are parents. So why have I been firmly stepping on the brakes? I'm just not ready. In most situations, even when the fathers are hands-on, the woman does the majority of the work with kids, especially babies. We're built to be nurturers. Good mothers feed and clothe their children. Great moms are in sync with their kids -- that requires time and energy I just don't have right now. My business clientele is largely international, which means I travel 80 percent of the time. My book sales have been awesome and I'm prepping for my sophomore release. My professional dreams are finally coming to fruition and I'm ecstatic. But, I know my clock is ticking. The last time I went to the doctor she told me, "The sooner you have kids, the easier you'll make my job." My jaw dropped. Breasts still firm? Check. Cellulite still obsolete? Double check. Wrinkles still at bay? Triple check. I look and feel like I'm in my mid-twenties... but the truth is, that was a decade ago. So what do I do? Today I'm trying to balance fulfilling my needs, compromising with my husband and being mindful that there's one thing we can't control: time. I want to honor my marriage. I know having children is important to us both. I also understand that motherhood is the most selfless act one can do and I need to be ready for it. I never want to hear my child say, "Where was mom?" or wonder whether I deprived him or her of the love they deserved. Similarly, I don't want to rush into motherhood because I'm scared to wait any longer and then wonder whether the responsibility held me back. In the end, I know that every woman struggles to figure out where a child fits into their lives. I look forward to seeing what it's like for me... in a year or two.
Filed Under: Balancing Act
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