Forget looking for a Mr. Right that's a mirror image of you. The latest smart dating strategy for finding love, says New York psychotherapist Patricia M. DeVost, is going out with a brother from another... perspective. Here, DeVost, a contributor to the new dating website OppositesConnect.com explains why embracing the yin and yang of love may be your next relationship breakthrough. ESSENCE: Why should Black women consider dating someone who's their opposite instead of someone who's just like them? Don't we want shared interests and compatibility? DeVost:
You want similar morals, ethics and values but different interests and passions. Dating that type of opposite helps you bring out qualities and strengths in yourself that you don't typically see. Also, some women date a type or we form habits in our dating and we have a hard time breaking those and thinking outside the box. ESSENCE: How does dating your opposite strengthen you? DeVost:
You learn how others view the world, their interests, their passions in their own life. You learn to compromise, negotiate, and agree to disagree. You learn you don't always have to do things the way you're used to doing them. We're actually drawn to our opposites because they have something in them we lack. ESSENCE: Can you give me an example of two opposites that might hit it off? DeVost:
If you're someone who is more quiet and timid and doesn't initiate conversations, you might be drawn to the guy who walks into the party and allures everyone. And he might be looking for someone who's more levelheaded and creates a calming atmosphere. If you're drawn to great dressers, stop using that to signify someone you'll go talk to. If you're not outdoorsy, consider someone who is. If you're not well-travelled, consider a guy who's been around the world. ESSENCE: If they're my opposite, then I won't meet them in my everyday life. In addition to the OppositesConnect.com dating website, how do I find them? DeVost:
Take on new challenges. Look in your community for a book club you wouldn't normally go to or a hiking trip you never considered. Create new adventures for yourself so you can get different results.