The recent and ongoing media discussion of single Black women and our supposed slim chances of getting hitched has caused us to focus a lot of our attention on marriage. But what if it's not for you? A lot of sisters are enjoying the freedom and self-exploration that the single life has to offer and could care less about marriage rites. Staying focused on finding a husband might cause you to "miss all the enjoyment and personal development opportunities that dating adds to your life," says JJ Smith, author of "Why I Love Men: The Joys of Dating." She explains us why she's chosen to be a Dating Diva rather than a Mrs. Whatever. Read More: Stop Stressing Marriage and Have Fun DatingThe Dating Diva on Dating Like a Pro Here's what you had to say: Dawn commented: "Personally I don't want to get married. Call me selfish, but i can't see myself giving up my independence to make someone else happy." D wrote: "If you choose a career over love and think that you can't handle both, then I guess marriage would not be for you. Most of us can handle and make time for both, just like we make time for everything else in life."
I'm enjoying the life I've worked so hard to create for myself. By day, I'm a corporate executive serving as a VP/Partner in an IT consulting in firm, and by night, I'm an author, radio host, life coach, and deejay (aka DJ Roma). Marriage is such a big responsibility and commitment and I know, with such a full plate, my lifestyle does not allow me to invest the necessary time to be successful in marriage. And, I'm ok with that. Really! I know you're saying yea right. But this is actually true. I have been married before, but I prefer being single, especially since I don't want to have children. I am not looking to get married again, but I'm not opposed to the idea either. If I meet someone who makes me feel that being married to them is better than my freedom and the luxuries of my single life, then I would consider getting married again. The most important thing to me is to have quality, meaningful relationships with men with similar dreams, goals and interests in life. Some women want to get married to end boredom, loneliness, depression or insecurity. If you are unhappy single, you will likely be unhappy married--except you can then blame your spouse instead of yourself for your unhappiness. You must first learn to be happy without a man. Being single should be one of the best times of your life. It is your time to discover what you want out of life, what your goals are, and what you need from a mate. Being single allows you to have the freedom and flexibility to live your life the way you want, how you want, and where you want. This is the time to enjoy your newfound freedom and follow your heart wherever it leads you. It is never too late to reinvent yourself and have the life that you've always wanted. I think people fall in love and marry because it's the tradition. Men and women have been getting married since before recorded history. Until recently, America was the most "married" nation in the world. But now many ask, "Do I have to be married to live happily ever after?" In today's society, people have a strong desire to simply be happy, whether that means being married or unmarried. Being single is not synonymous with being "alone". Many single people do have a meaningful love relationship in their life. Society makes people think that the end goal of two people who love each other is a "traditional monogamous marriage," but I don't believe everyone fits that model. Whoever said dating has to end in marriage? If marriages were so great, why do more than half of them end in divorce? So, don't rush into marriage, take your time, enjoy dating, and spending quality time with your family and friends. In my book, Why I Love Men: The Joys of Dating, I discuss many ways to enjoy your single life, meet more men and have fun dating. I know some women don't want to have fun dating; they just want to find a husband. But, if your only focus in life is to find a husband, you will miss all the enjoyment and personal development opportunities that dating adds to your life. After experiencing the joys and pains of both single and married life, I finally feel that I am happy and fulfilled as a single woman. As a result of my journey over the years, I have a deeper relationship with God, a loving family, wonderful friends, a great career, exciting hobbies, and am enjoying the fun and excitement that dating adds to my life!
J.J. Smith is a dating expert, author, radio host and life coach. She has lent her relationship expertise to a number of media outlets including NBC4, FOX5, the Montel Williams Show and more. Her book "Why I Love Men: The Joys of Dating" is a single lady's guide to having fun while playing the dating game. She also hosts "Real Talk with JJ and the Fellas" an internet radio show that offers real, honest dating and relationships advice. Read More: