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Commentary: What to Look For In A Man, Part II

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Read Steven James Dixon's second installment of What To Look For In A Man. Dixon is a relationships expert and tell-it-like-it-is author of "Men Don't Heal, We Ho: A Book About The Emotional Instability of Men."  5. Look for a man that knows how to let a woman be a woman If you have to be less of a woman to be with a man, he's the wrong man. Look for a man that allows you to run the household. The problem with a lot of marriages today is that our roles are reversed, crossed or not well-defined. My wife chooses the furniture--after I set a budget. My wife decides on what is for dinner--after I make suggestions. My wife is the Director of Child Rearing at the crib--I set the boundaries and the goals (and hand out "The Smackdown on my son"). Make sure that your womanhood and role is carved out in the relationship. Look for a man that knows what decisions are a woman's decisions. You define what woman's decisions are to you. You gain this ability to decide by meeting all "10 Ways To Go From Girlfriend to Wife." 4. Look for a man that does not mind helping out around the house Keeping up with the daily household chores is hard work--especially when you have a full time job and you have them kids running around and it's dinner time. If you have a man that gets off work and plops himself in front of the couch until dinner and then after dinner he plops himself back on the couch, he is not going to change after you marry him. Look for a man that can wash and fold clothes, clean the kitchen, sweep, mop, vacuum, change diapers and cook. We are not dusting. We're just not. 3. Look for a leader, he will lead your family and your marriage Woman, you are not the leader of the family. You are not the head of the household. Any marriage where the woman is the leader will fail. Any family where the woman is the head of household will fail. (Ladies, chill!!!! Let me do this.) Don't you want a man that knows how to lead you? Well, let me put this responsibility on them and my brothers will step up to plate. Additionally, men have to develop sons that are leaders. Men have to show their daughters what a leader looks like so she can go get one. A leader knows when to lead and when to allow others to lead. A leader has good decision-making skills and families have a lot of decisions to make. When you are looking for your leader, look for someone that can lead even when times are tough. A man that can lead the family through bankruptcy, foreclosure, cancer, whatever. (Men, if you lose your respect, you can't lead. You are disqualified, homie.) 2. Look for a man that respects the institution of marriage A person who is married has agreed to make some sacrifices and compromises that you don't have to make as a single person. Look for a man that understands that there will be ups and downs in marriage and that he is responsible for leading you through those tough times. Look for a man that accepts the responsibility of the fact that the success or failure of marriage rest on his shoulders and his leadership. That's right, I am putting ALL of it on the man. We need women who know how to support their men. 1. Look for a man that will take pride in being a husband The problem with marriage right now is that men don't make "being a great husband" a goal in marriage. We have not been taught that, but it is something that we can talk about. Ask your man how important it is for him to be a great husband. Look for a man that understands that there are additional responsibilities that come with being a husband. Say to your man, "when we get married, I am entrusting my life to you." In my book, "Men Don't Heal We Ho: A Book About the Emotional Instability of Men," I challenge all husbands to "be the Best Husband in the World." Everyday I walk up to husbands and say, "I am a better husband than you are," in hopes of a husband saying back to me, "No, you are not." NOTE: Don't get all bent if your man is not all of these things or if he doesn't agree with some of these things. I was only about half of this list when I got married; the rest I had to learn. So some of these concepts will be introduced to your man. He doesn't have to agree today or agree publicly. He will agree one day, even if it's only privately. Want to talk to Steven James Dixon about his advice on finding the right guy? He's prepared to tell you like it is and defend his opinions in a live chat on ESSENCE.com on Thursday February 11, at 8:00 p.m. EST. Tune in, and get your questions ready ladies. Steven James Dixon is the author of the sure fire conversation starter "Men Don't Heal, We Ho: A Book About the Emotional Instability of Men". He lives with his wife and son in Dallas, Texas. His book is available at relationshipbeast.com. Ask him your questions about men, love and marriage on Relationshipbeast.com or catch him on twitter at twitter.com/stevenjdixon. A few good men recently popped the question to their girlfriends with the help of ESSENCE. Which one is your favorite? Read More:
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Commentary: What To Look For In a Man