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On His Mind: Married and Faithful

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I was in a department store when a gorgeous woman who was standing nearby asked if I had someone on the side. With my wedding ring in plain view, I told her no. Surprised, she responded, "You mean to tell me that you don't fool around?" Although at that moment my flesh said, "I'd like to," my spirit said, "You've lost your mind if you entertain this woman." I had to ask myself, What would an affair do for me? The answer was simple: Ruin my family. So I paid for my things and went on my way. 

I'm used to encounters like this because a lot of women hit on me. I guess it's because I'm easygoing and clean-cut and I carry myself well. Also I've been told that I have a very inviting spirit, so I have to be careful about my friendly demeanor. Sometimes it's mistaken as a come-on. I have a comfortable, secure marriage. I've been with my wife for six years, and we have two wonderful children. She is probably the only woman who can deal with my being as outgoing as I am. She's confident but humble. I love my family and I love what I have.

However, when we had our first child, I was weak. I actually thought about cheating on her. Once the baby arrived, her hormones changed and our lovemaking wasn't what it used to be. I thought she didn't want me anymore, and I felt neglected. I just needed some attention. Yes, I was too flirtatious during that period; I didn't shoot down the suggestive behavior as quickly as I should have. 

I wasn't physically unfaithful, but mentally I was. Fantasizing was as close as I came to stepping out on my marriage. Halfway through our rough patch, I admitted to my wife that I thought about cheating on her. She didn't panic. We tackled it together. We turned to God and prayed day and night to keep our union strong, and after about a year things finally got better for us. 

But getting through that bad patch was tough because some women are so bold these days. They'll throw themselves at a brother, and sometimes it's quite a struggle to turn them down. I've been slipped phone numbers, and I have had women come up to me, squeeze my muscles, and tell me that they know my wife has a good time with me in bed. I've even had ladies approach me while I was out with my kids. They see me taking care of my children and they like it. I'm definitely flattered by the attention, and saying that I'm not attracted to some of these women would be a bold-faced lie. It's a constant battle because there's so much temptation. It's almost like everyone has become desensitized to infidelity. 

I nip these flirtatious situations in the bud, so things don't go any further. Right off the bat I tell women that I'm married. I've even told some, "If I cheat, it wouldn't be because I want you, it would be because of lust." Many of them often think they're different, that they can change me and I'll leave my family for them. That's not the case. 

My wife knows she has a good brother, a man who does everything he can for his family. And she reminds me that if I cheat, I have to answer to God. I simply cannot ask for more than that. I don't want to jeopardize what we have built for one night. It's hard being monogamous, but if I stay on my knees and follow the Word, I won't drift. I know that what these women are presenting to me is just an illusion. What my wife and I have is as real as it gets. Nothing compares to that.

Photo Credit: Ron Aira

Filed Under: Expert Advice
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